What to say, what to say

if you haven't figured this out by now, I'm not a regular blog poster. It drives me nuts when I click on a blog and realize that it hasn't been updated in weeks (or months), and yet, I do the same thing. I just trust that all of you are much more blog-savvy that I and have everything set up on one of those automatic thingeys that tell you when someone has updated their blog. So you're not actually clicking on me all the time to see if I've updated or not (like I do to all my blogs).

I reached my breaking point with the whole church thing. I just haven't been going. Not a solution, I know, but I am just beyond frustrated with it. I may write the next part of it, eventually, but for now I don't even really know where to pick up with my current frustrations or how to put it in words. I did love and really appreciated everyone's comments on the last post about church - but I also have to be honest and say that it kind of made me more frustrated, because it seemed like you have things figured out and your spouse was much more flexible than mine. Ugh. Here comes the pity party.

In good news though - and you should feel really special that I'm revealing this here - which I can only do because I trust that no one I actually know has stumbled upon this blog and knows its me - but I'm pregnant! It's early still, and we haven't told anyone and won't for a few weeks. I hadn't even told anyone when we were planning on starting to try to get pregnant, so although I'm sure people are wondering if we are thinking about a second kid or not (I know my MIL is very interested in more grandchildren and has been hinting often that since J is not a baby anymore, she needs another baby around!), no one really knew for sure and so we should be able to keep it quiet until we are ready to tell, which will be after we see/hear the heartbeat around 10-12 weeks. I've had two miscarriages in the past, so I really don't get too excited yet. I'm not even feeling pregnant yet - I took a pregnancy test again last night just to check again! But we're cautiously optimistic and hope that everything continues to go good.

PS - If you are on my facebook list, please don't say anything on there about the pregnancy! That probably goes without saying, but I figured I should mention it just in case.

Random

J and I have both been sick this week, so I have not been doing much other than trying to keep up with him. I've had lots of time to think though about all the things I never realized before I had kids and the top one on the list was that I totally took for granted the opportunity to be sick and just lay around. It's awful to be sick and then still have to take care of a very active toddler! It was ok the first few days when J was sick also, because he was sleeping alot or fairly lethargic, so he wasn't demanding too much, but then the past two days have been awful. I still feel really run-down and yet he has felt much better, so I've been trying to keep up with him all the while trying to ignore my horrible headache, body aches, cough, and inability to breathe! I just wanted to crawl under the covers and go to sleep!

I also realized that even 18 months after J was born, I still have not adjusted to him waking me up in the mornings. Our house is pretty small, and so usually when H gets up in the morning, J will hear him and want to get up. I've always been lazy in the mornings - I used to set my alarm clock an hour before I wanted to get up because I loved being able to hit snooze and just curl back up in bed. But now with J, when he's up, I'm up. There's no snooze button to hit and no opportunity to just get out of bed when I want. And I miss that.

I also realized that I just don't feel ready for a second baby yet. Part of it is that our house is so small, there's really not room for another. I also feel like with as much as Husband works, it would be just that much harder for us to have time together if there was a second child. I'm also not sure what I want to do with my work - I don't think I'm ready to not work, but I would like to be able to give the second child as much attention as I did J, and that will be near impossible if I'm still working and keeping up with J. We're planning on having J in preschool this fall - either two or three full days a week - so maybe then when I have more time for work, I'll start to feel more ready to have another baby around.

We're pretty much ready for Christmas - I finally got our cards sent out and most of the presents are done. I just need to pick up a few random things for Husband's family, and since I know what I'm getting each person, it's just a matter of making it out the stores. I've also got to make some treats on Sunday for gifts - I think I'm going to do peppermint bark and dipped pretzels - and then I will also make a casserole for brunch on Sunday and a few side dishes to take for Christmas dinner.

I've been pleasantly surprised with how much J is recognizing about Christmas - he loves the lights and will say "lights" and "Mis-mas" every time he sees Christmas displays. He hated Santa in person, but loves to look at his picture with Santa and say "ho, ho, ho, merry mis-mas!" He also has loved the nativity, and will say "nite-nite baby Jesus" to the manager and point out the sheep, Mary and Joseph who he calls "mommy jesus and daddy jesus", and the angel. Our dog did eat part of J's El.mo ornament, and we are worried that J might have helped, but other than that there haven't been any major mishaps. He hasn't shown much interest in the presents, which is good because they've all managed to stay wrapped and decorated under the tree!

Fun day and a random question

We had a blast today! I'm trying to keep all my working during naptime and on MWF, since I now have regular childcare on those days, because it's too hard to work when J is awake and I felt guilty for doing so. So as part of this, I'm trying to make Tuesday and Thursday our days to get out and do some fun activities together. Today we met up with friends at the park to walk (we walked almost 9 miles!), then we let the kids out to play at the playground (they were very antsy after being in their strollers for an hour and a half). The playground had turned on the in-ground sprinklers, which J loved! All the kids were standing around them, laughing and giggling every time one of them shot up in the air! We all were soaked. After this, we went down to the lake and fed the ducks old bread that one of the moms had brought along. I don't think the kids, J included, really liked the ducks that much. And actually, they were kind of scary. There were some cute baby ducks, but most of the ducks were huge, ugly, mean things that were attacking each other for the bread! So we didn't spend much time doing this.

After the park, we went home and J took a good, three hour nap. I got quite a bit of work done, made some yummy breakfast muffins, and relaxed with my lunch while watching "The V.iew". I wasn't sure if I'd like the show as much with Ro.sie gone, because she always made me laugh, but it's actually still pretty entertaining.

J and I met up with another mom and baby at a different park this afternoon - I think by this time, he was a bit tired of being outside! We played on the swings for awhile, but then ended up sitting and talking while the kids ate a snack.

Now, here's my random question - J is going to this new Pa.rent's Day O.ut program, and he still has a little bit of an upset stomach (i.e., dia.rrhea) from the stomach virus that he had last week. Is he still contagious? Should I not take him? If it was daycare, I would still take him, because I know that they have a pretty relaxed policy on sick kids (they can't go if they have a fever, significant cold symptoms, undiagnosed rash, or actively vomiting). But this P.DO program doesn't have a policy on sick kids (that I was provided), so I'm not sure if this is something that they would get upset with me for bringing him with or if it doesn't matter. I get the feeling that they are a little more conservative about stuff like this, since they are more of an "optional" place for kids to go and not really a daycare. Thoughts?

I think part of my uncertainty is that I'm feeling guilty that I'm using the P.DO time to work, when they market it as a place for SAHMs to drop off their kids for a few hours to get a break. But I think if I was a full-time SAHM, then I would feel guilty dropping him off so I could go get a pedicure or something since the teachers are moms who are working and not off getting pedicures!

Happy Birthday to my baby boy!

J. turned ONE today.


At 1:37 pm on April 19, 2006 this is what we saw:



And today, at 1:37 pm on April 19, 2007:

Wow. I'm going to write more about his day, but we're all exhausted and the fun is only starting as we have family coming in town tomorrow for his party Saturday night. Today we just celebrated with the three of us, but Saturday night we'll have all the family there.

And as a great birthday present to Husband and I, J. took his first steps today! It was especially good because Husband was home and also got to see it right when it happened. He has been so close for weeks, and I love that it finally happened on his birthday - I should have gotten him an Elmo balloon and beach ball before, because he was so excited about them that he didn't think to sit down and crawl but instead just wobbled straight towards them!

It's been a good year.

Ugh.

I added a site meter to my blog, and it's addictive - I've gotten on at least 4 times today to check my stats. Imagine my surprise when I see my first referral from a G.oogle search - and the search phrase was "nick.name t.rout".

This wouldn't panic me except that we were talking this weekend with people about our nick.name for T.rout, and also I told one of my friends that I have an anonymous blog. I'm sure it wasn't her that was looking for it, but it still makes me nervous.

So I'm changing what I call J./T.rout on the blog (again). Hopefully this will be the last time.

His new n.ickname? Panda. This is what we called him when I was pregnant, because we didn't know if it was a boy or girl. Actually, we called him the "baby p.anda".

I don't really remember how this got started, other than it had something to do with halloween, Husband wanting me to dress up like a panda, and one of the houses we looked at when we were house-hunting having a backyard full of bamboo.

all kinds of things

There's a lot going on right now, as we're trying to head out of town tomorrow, so I'm just going to make this a random post of everything that's on my mind right now:

1. I decided that I'm switching around what I use to refer to my husband and baby because I keep slipping and find myself writing out their real names - instead of J. for the baby, I'm going to start using his actual nickname "T.rout", and for my husband, I'm also going to use his actual nickname, which is "Husband". Real original, I know. But this really is what my nickname for him is - and he refers to me as "Wife". This started when we got engaged, and we were so excited about being engaged and getting married that we referred to each other as "Fiance" all the time. So obviously when we got married, we couldn't use that nickname anymore, so it evolved into "Husband" and "Wife". It makes our friends and families laugh to hear us talking to each other because we really use it all the time and we use it both as a term of affection and then when we're irritated with each other, we use it more sarcastically. It works for us! And as far as the baby's nickname, we always thought we'd call him "Baby" as his nickname (given the whole "Husband" and "Wife" theme), but then shortly after he was born Husband was working on a case that involved a t.rout f.arm. We talked about trout all the time because of this, and at the same time, J. was nursing and would make a fish face whenever he wanted to nurse - so it was a natural extension to call him "T.rout".

Bottom line of all this - instead of J. and H., it's now T.rout and Husband. Should be easier for me to keep track of when I'm writing.

2. I really, really like our new playgroup. We switched days, because there were too many "big" kids (i.e., 2 year olds) in the Monday group and I worried too much about them running into T.rout and hitting him, etc. (which happened almost every playgroup). We go on Thursdays now, and it's a calmer group, with parents that actually keep an eye on their kids during the playtime. T.rout loves it - especially when I let him sit at the table with all the big kids and practice drinking out of a regular cup.

3. A professor I had in college, who I really admired, is sick with cancer and recently was moved into hospice care. They've given her 2 weeks to 2 months. She is an amazing woman, who effortlessly (or so it seemed) was able to balance her life as a mother, wife, friend, and professor with grace and beauty. She provided such an image of what it means to be a faithful Christian in all these roles, and did so with such encouragement and love for everyone that came in contact with her. She has three young kids; I can't imagine what this must be like for them and for her. And it's hard to imagine why it would be her time to leave this physical world - she has touched so many lives (it's amazing to read all the tributes that have been posted to her on her CaringBridge site) and I can't understand why she wouldn't be given the opportunity to continue to do so. But as one of my friends, who also knew her, said about the situation "I still trust God even when I don't understand Him, but please, Lord, help my unbelief." It is hard to know she will be gone soon, but she will be healed and we will see her again.

4. We leave tomorrow for a trip this weekend to L.ittle R.ock for one of my college friend's wedding and for my college reunion - we actually aren't really going to any of the reunion events, because most of it is on Saturday, which is when the wedding will be, but we are going to go up to campus Sunday afternoon to eat lunch and walk around. They've done a lot of new construction, so I'm excited to see what it looks like. And I'm really excited to see my college friends - only a few of them have seen T.rout since he was born, so it will be fun to have them meet him. And a few of them are pregnant with their first kids, so I can't wait to see them pregnant! I also love going back to LR as I get to eat at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants!

5. My car is in the shop for repairs (and I'm hoping it will be done today so I can get it cleaned before we leave town tomorrow) and I have a rental - a big, silver Dodge Caravan. I don't think I'm the minivan type. I feel silly driving it; like I'm playing "dress-up" and pretending to be a mom. Oh well. At least it's only (hopefully) for a few more hours and then I get my Jeep back!

Elmo

Have your kids discovered Elmo yet? J. received a big, three foot tall Elmo as a shower gift before he was born, and we never realized how much he liked it until we were out shopping one day and he grabbed a stuffed Elmo off the shelf and screamed every time I tried to take it from him. So we bought the Elmo, and he loves both the "mama Elmo" and the "baby Elmo" and will even put his pacifier in baby Elmo's mouth when we tell him to! We've also started watching the Elmo segments on Sesame Street, and for Easter, J. received his first Elmo DVD, which he's fixated on right now.

Unfortunately, in every Elmo segment, Elmo sings a song about whatever he was talking about for that show. And it's not a good song - it's just one word, sung over and over to the same tune. So now I have "ears, ears, ears, ears . . ." stuck in my head.

This isn't quite as bad as the firetruck toy I just got J. - it sings whenever you push down on the fireman, but all it says is "up and down, down and up" over and over. So this is also stuck in my head.

Someone needs to create baby toys that play real songs.

More Easter Egg Hunts

So we took the dog to a "Dog Easter Egg Hunt" today. It was a riot - all these dogs, running around a field, picking up eggs in their mouths! I wish I'd gotten some pictures, but it was about 30 degrees and we stupidly had brought J. along, so I was too busy trying to keep him warm while H. led the dog around to all the eggs. The eggs were filled with dog treats, and once our dog figured that out, the hunt was over - all she wanted to do was sit there and open the eggs and eat all the treats! J. thought it was hilarious - I think he really enjoyed watching all the dogs run around.

Since I didn't get a picture of our dog at the hunt, here's just a regular picture of her (since I don't think I've ever posted one before):

Easter Egg Hunt

J. went to his first Easter egg hunt and had a great time! H.'s high school holds an alumni mass/egg hunt every year, and we took J. this year - it was so much fun! He didn't really understand the whole "hunt for eggs" part, but once we put the eggs in his basket, he got so excited! He kept putting them in the basket, taking them out, shaking them, trying to stuff the entire egg in his mouth, and he loved watching all the other kids running around looking for eggs. We also took his picture with the Easter Bunny (who I thought was kind of scary looking!)

[pictures removed]

Children's clothing

Do you think he'd be embarrased if he knew what his shirt said?

Broken glass

Until I married my husband, I'd never broken a glass or a plate or anything before. I still haven't, but for some reason H. has this uncanny knack for breaking things - he's actually managed to break at least 3 wine glasses just holding them in his hands!

It turns out that J. has inherited this trait - he broke his first glass today. What was my child doing with a real glass, you ask? Well, I have this set of pint glasses that I collected while in college from my favorite bar that used to give them out every Monday. They are from the distributors and are primarily promotional items with the beer's logo on them and sometimes they had some for special events (e.g., they had a glass for the anniversary of Elvis's death). I had a bunch of these originally, most of which have disappeared, leaving me with a set of 8 different glasses. Fortunately, these are some of my favorites - my "Elvis is dead" one, Fat Tire (my favorite beer in college), and a few others that have some meaning to me. H. likes using them, as do I, but he tends to leave them on the coffee table in the den.

Well, J. was crawling around the den while I was working this morning, and as he often does now, was quickly around the couch into the other part of the den. So I got up to go get him, and as I did, I saw him standing by the coffee table with a glass still on it - I kind of stood there, thinking to myself, "I really should grab that glass", but just as I thought it, he grabbed on to it, pulled it over, and then let go, where it dropped onto the table, leaving J. holding a piece of it!

I was afraid to do anything too sudden for fear that it would scare him and he'd drop from standing down onto the glass on the floor, but I also though of him putting the broken glass in his mouth! I'm not really sure what I did, but I know I managed to scoop him up and take the glass out of his hand at the same time - I don't really remember if he'd gotten it up to his mouth or not, but I don't think he did.

I got it all cleaned up, but am still shaking from it - I think I'm going to take him and head up to the Y for a run so I can relax a little!