Bunko

First of all, thanks for the supportive comments on my hair - I'm really starting to warm up to wearing it wavy (in fact, it's almost 3 pm and I still haven't put it up in a ponytail today!) and it helps to hear that it doesn't look too bad.

In other news, I am LOVING being a mom of a toddler. At least once a day, if not more, J does something that totally cracks me up - lately it's been his obsession with baseball. Husband put up all his old framed Sa.int L.ouis C.ardina.ls baseball memorabilia on J's walls (his room is primary colors and so the Car.dinal red stuff looks great in there) and also bought J a baseball and glove for his first birthday. He's taught J how to put the glove on and "pitch" (complete with wind-up), and then last week he taught him how to hold the toy plastic bat with both hands and put it up by his head. J now walks around ALL day with the bat and glove and the ball, saying "ba-beeeeeeeee", which is his word for baseball (regular balls are just "ball"). J recognizes the Car.dinals logo everywhere - he went up to a woman at the children's mu.seum last week who had a red Car.dinal and bat on her shirt and, all while yelling "ba-beeeee", touched her bo.ob where the baseball bat was on her shirt before I could get there! Oops. Fortunately, she thought it was funny once I explained that he gets excited whenever he sees something that's Car.dinal baseball and that he was not going after her bo.ob (even though ba-beeeeee does sound like boo.bie!)

Finally, I want to start a Bu.nko group up with some friends. I just learned how to play at my MOP.S group, and I think it'd be fun to do on a regular basis. Any of you have experience with this and suggestions on what would work/what doesn't work?

Happy Mother's Day

I'm a day late, but Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there! I hope you had a wonderful day.

We had a great day here - Husband and J let me sleep in until 9:30, then woke me up with coffee, lilies, and a gift card to the spa I love. We went to mass and brunch with my in-laws, then came home and Husband worked in the yard while I read a book. He put together a new window box for me - it turned out really nice, with little red, white, and yellow flowers that go up and a few white flowers that come down over the front.

Oops, I thought J was asleep, but I hear him screaming now - I'd better go check on him.

how times change

My family all came in for J.'s* birthday, and my mom stayed on for a few days after everyone else left. It was so fun having her here - we tend to be a little argumentative and spirited with each other, but it's just the way we interact, especially when we are together in person. It drives Husband nutty, but he's used to it by now. We spent most of her time here cooking - I love to have her come and make all my favorite foods! She also likes to make things for Husband, and I enjoy that too because it's nice to have some of his favorites without much effort on my part. I also took advantage of her being here to watch J. and got a lot of work done, as well as a pedicure one day and a massage another day! I even took a nap one afternoon, which I felt a little guilty about, since Husband was at work and obviously not napping, but I really needed the rest. And I don't feel too guilty anymore, because Husband went to the baseball game yesterday afternoon during the work day and he's playing golf with clients this afternoon.

Anyway, one thing that really strikes me as funny is how different my mom's attitude is towards all the "stay-at-home" mom tasks and my attitude. She dropped out of college when I was born, and then didn't go back until after my brothers and I were all in high school (and congrats to her - she's graduating next week with her masters degree!). Her twenties, thirties, and most of her forties were focused solely on my dad, me, my brothers, and our home. That was it. That was her life. She did work some during this time, but always for places like our mothers-day-out programs and church nursery school. I have great memories though of her playing with us all afternoon, making us lunch, taking us to the pool, and going on fun trips with her and all the other SAHM and their kids.

I digress for a minute - I think that was one of the big things that made it easier to stay at home when she was raising kids - more moms were home, and she always had a group of women and kids to get together with and do things. There were more opportunities for social interaction because there were more women who were in similar positions. Now, there are other moms staying home, but so many of us are combining that with part-time work that it's a different dynamic. This is probably a whole other post.

Okay, back to my original train-of-thought: I kept noticing this week how my mom really has a different attitude than I do about what a wife/mom's role should be. She was really concerned one night when we didn't have dinner ready and on the table when Husband got home. She kept apologizing to him, and to me, that we had gotten caught up doing other things and dinner wasn't ready! This has never been something I've been concerned about - I typically have dinner at least underway by the time he gets home, but it's rarely done and never on the table! And there are many nights when he gets home and I haven't even thought about dinner, so we end up just eating leftovers or frozen pizza or going out. I think that as a SAHM, my mom would really consider that a complete oversight and "job" failure on her part!

Another thing she would do - around 6, shortly before Husband was due home, she'd also start making sure J. was in a clean diaper, and the house was picked up, and everyone was showered and dressed and presentable. I do usually make sure the house is cleaned up before Husband gets home, but sometimes I'll let J. just hang out in a dirty diaper if I know Husband is almost home because then he can change it! I realized that Husband and I really do operate more on a "equal" level with a lot of the tasks around the house that my mom was entirely responsible for since I do work part-time and since there is more of an expectation today, in general, that husbands shoulder some of the household responsibility.

I'm going to try a little more to do things my mom's way, at least to the extent that I can while also working, because I do see the value in letting Husband come home and relax and have everything be calm and under control. But I'm also realistic enough to know that I wouldn't be happy doing things exactly like my mom did/does.



*yes, I'm back to calling him J. Using his nicknames just wasn't working for me. I may start using his real name, but I'm still thinking about that. Until then, it's J. Unless I come up with something better. And I'm open to suggestions.

When I stop complaining . . .

and actually start looking around for feasible options, things get a lot brighter! I think I've found what might be a great option for childcare for J. so that I can get more work done during the day - Parent's Day Out Programs!

My dilemma with childcare was that since I work from home, part-time, for a not-for-pro.fit, I don't need regular, full day care (even on a part-time basis) and I can't really afford it anyway. I do get a lot of work done on the evenings and weekends, when H. can watch J. or when J. is napping, but I also have times when I need to schedule meetings or conference calls or need a big block of time, and so it's harder to fit that in while also trying to take care of J. If you've ever tried to make a conference call during a child's nap time, and spent the whole call praying that he wouldn't wake up, but then he does, and you have to try and participate in the call, take notes, get a screaming baby out of his crib and into a clean diaper, then give the baby something to keep him occupied all while you try and act professional and engaged in the call, then you understand why naptime doesn't always work. And if you've ever tried to schedule a meeting for 7 pm on a Friday night with someone that works a "regular" work week, then you know why working weekends just doesn't really cut it either. And finally, if you've ever gone to a meeting and had to take the baby with you, because you just couldn't miss the meeting but you couldn't find childcare, and you end up looking like a mom and not a professional, then you understand why childcare is sometimes a necessity even if you have the luck to "work from home".

So I tried trading babysitting with another mom, which worked out ok, but isn't something I want to do long-term for a number of reasons. I started thinking again about having a "mother's helper" come to the house - but I couldn't find anyone, and the cost of babysitting here is so high anyway that it didn't make sense since it cut too much into what I was making per hour. So then I thought about putting J. back into daycare 1 or 2 days a week - we had a place we liked, that I used when I was at my old job, but in order to justify the cost, I'd have to work at least 9 hours each day he was there and I just don't always have that much work available. Not to mention that one of the reasons I wanted to work from home was so he didn't have to go to day care ALL day and we could have time to go out to the park or do fun stuff during the day!

I had a friend that kept mentioning this parent's day out program to me that her church runs, and when I looked into it, and also did a search for other programs in the area, I found 6 different programs, all within a few miles of my house! The rates are cheap (about $15-18/day!) for anywhere from 3-5 hours/day. And the teacher-child ratio is low (4-1 and 3-1, on average), with a fun schedule for each day of bible stories, songs, playtime, snacks! Even better than what they did at daycare!

And he can go 1, 2, or 3 days a week (although a few of the places limit it to just one day). I even found some programs that either run year-round or have summer sessions! And when I started calling around, thinking that I'd have to get on wait-lists, I found one program that still has availability for summer and fall, and another program that has openings right now on M and W for their year-round program! We're going to visit one of the programs next week, and I'm still waiting to hear back from a few of them.

Thank you Lord, for this answer to prayer. You know I needed something to try and get the taking care of J./working from home balance figured out, and I hope that this will be solution.

Good news!

I found out yesterday that one of my good friends, who had a little girl (E.) that is 3 weeks younger than J., has quit her job to stay home full time! I am so excited for her - she has wanted to be home since E. was born, but also felt like she should go back to work and give it a try. She had been working for almost 15 years and has done really well in her job. She received a promotion shortly after going back to work from maternity leave, which seemed to make it harder for her to then leave, but she decided this week that E. wasn't getting older any slower and she needed to be home with her. She is so happy about her decision and grateful to be able to stay home with E. And J. and I are so excited to have her and E. around during the day and able to go on walks and out to breakfast like we did during our maternity leave! We have some fun moms and kids that we hang out with from our moms group and playgroup, but I will really enjoy having E. and her mom around - we are already talking about plans for doing stroller aerobics together, and I'm sure there will be lots of playground trips in the next few weeks!

Catching up

I have not been on the computer much lately - most of what I've been doing for work this past week has been either in-person or on the phone, so I haven't been on for work. I also realized that I had a huge stack of library books that I'd already renewed as many times as I could that were due today, and I wanted to finish reading them! So I've spent most of my "free" time lately reading instead of sitting on the computer. I need to start catching up on everyone's blogs.

Dinner at Fudd.ruckers was so good. I completely stuffed myself, but it was worth it. Karen, I laughed at your comment! Anyone that has ever eaten with me at Fudd.ruckers has said the exact same thing, but then once they try a bite of the bun (they have these really good, homemade, toasted buns) with the melted cheese and pico on it, they start eating their burger the same way!

The best part about dinner though was that J. actually fed himself his dinner! We had gotten him a children's grilled chicken sandwich with fries, and he ate a few pieces of chicken, about half the bun, and 2 or 3 fries! I was so excited. We have had such a hard time trying to get him to feed himself anything other than crackers, goldfish, or cherrios, and so it was so nice to have him eat his food and not need babyfood. I told H. that we might have to eat at Fudd.rucker's every night.

I gave up (for now) working on my post about women working/staying at home. I'm going to finish it at some point, but it was making me too frustrated and fired up when writing it. I'm really trying to just enjoy the "here and now" and remind myself that all of this is just one phase in my life. I think it's helping that the weather is getting nicer - I have been so grateful lately to be able to have such flexibility in my schedule that I can take J. to the park during the day or go for a walk outside whenever we want. Yesterday, we were in Cl.ayton, the area of town where H. works, to run some errands, and I took. J. in the stroller and we walked down to H.'s office to say hi. As we were walking, and I was watching all the business men and women on the street, I realized that having the ability to be with J., outside on such a beautiful day, and in comfortable clothes and flipflops instead of work clothes, is totally worth putting my career on hold for a few years. I wouldn't do it any differently, but I do need to find a better way to balance working from home, getting everything done, taking care of J., taking care of H., taking care of myself, taking care of the house, etc. so that it doesn't stress me out so much. Any ideas?

got me thinking

A post over at "Not that you asked" has stirred up a lot of my feelings about motherhood. I'm really glad she posted, and although I have a lot to say on this, and will, I'm still too fired up right now to really think straight. I've had so much of the same feelings and thoughts as she has described in this post, and it was so good to read all the comments and suggestions.

So please, take a minute to go read it. I'll post more tomorrow on it.

Road trip

J. and I went for a mini road trip yesterday to meet up with one of my best friends - we live 4 hours apart (she's in Indianapolis), so we met halfway in a little town called Casey, Illinois at a restaurant I found through AAA. She is pregnant with their first child, and it was so fun to see her pregnant! She's at 33 weeks now, and it was fun talking and remembering what it was like this time a year ago. She's one of those friends that even though we don't get to see each other that often (the last time was over a year ago, when I was only about 12 weeks pregnant), we can just pick up right where we left off. I love friends like that, although I wish we lived closer and didn't have to go so long in between visits. J. and I will go out to visit when her little guy is born in a few weeks, so that is something good to look forward to.

Anyway, we chatted a lot about pregnancy, having a baby, and what life's like once you do. I love those kind of conversations as it really makes it clear how far I've come from where I was a few years and even months ago. I feel so much more confident as a mother (although I still have my doubts - like today when I asked the pediatrician what I should do for his dry skin, and the pediatrician just gave me a funny look and told me to put lotion on it! You think I could have figured that out on my own). It's so exciting to see my friends as moms and to have us share this new chapter of our lives.

J. did great the whole visit - he slept almost the entire car ride there, woke up and ate lunch with us, played, watched a DVD (yes, I let my child watch DVDs!), played some more, crawled on the table, took a nap, ate again, chatted with us a bit, and then fell back asleep in the car for the entire way home!

I woke up this morning though and wished that I was going to visit with my friend again today - it was a wonderful way to spend the day - I'm a social person and working at home now -while definitely the best thing for me right now - is a very quiet and non-social thing to do. I miss conversations with friends during the day and having people around who knew me before I was J.'s mom, since most of the adult interaction I now get is at playgroup or with other moms who I know now mainly because of J.

Thankful

In case you haven't seen this on the news this weekend, we have a big news story in our area - two kidnapped teen males were found yesterday in the St. Louis area. One had been kidnapped last Monday and the other had been missing for four years, since he was 11. They apparently had been taken by the same man and had been living about 3 miles from our house! What a small world - the creep that took them worked for a local pizza place and often delivered pizza to H. when he was working late at the office! It is so good to see the families reunited, especially for the parents of the older teen who had been gone for four years. What a miracle. Please pray for these families as they start to heal from this experience.

I've found since having J. that stories about children who have been kidnapped, gone missing, have chronic illnesses, witnessed traumatic experiences, etc. affect me in a way that they never did before becoming a mother. Knowing now the kind of love and devotion and feelings I have for J. makes me realize on an entirely different level what it must be like for these parents. I tivo "The View" every day, and then watch it at night or on the weekends, and a few weeks ago Rosie had a teenager on the show who has cystic fibrosis (CF). As a surprise to the teen, they brought on the entire cast of Rent to sing along with this teen, who loves Rent. The girl was so ecstatic and looked absolutely amazed at her good luck. During the time she was singing along with the cast, they kept showing her mom, who was bawling and smiling at the same time. I lost it - many youth with CF don't live past their 20s or 30s, and you could tell watching this mom that she knew that this could be one of the best days of her daughter's life and how absolutely happy she was for her to have this moment, but also how bittersweet it must be. I can't watch shows like "Law and Order: SVU" or "CSI" anymore because so often they deal with abuse and crimes against children. I have to keep myself from reading headlines about children being hurt or killed because I know if I do, that's all I'll think about for days.

I am so thankful for J. and that he is healthy and happy, but I also know that this could change at any minute and I have to be grateful for every moment that I have with him and with H. It's so scary to think that something could happen to either one of them, and while I don't want to be consumed by that worry, I also feel like I should be realistic and know that the time I have with them is only a gift, and it might not always be there. And then that completely freaks me out because I don't think I could go on if something happened to J. (and H. too, although that's a little different).