Thankful

In case you haven't seen this on the news this weekend, we have a big news story in our area - two kidnapped teen males were found yesterday in the St. Louis area. One had been kidnapped last Monday and the other had been missing for four years, since he was 11. They apparently had been taken by the same man and had been living about 3 miles from our house! What a small world - the creep that took them worked for a local pizza place and often delivered pizza to H. when he was working late at the office! It is so good to see the families reunited, especially for the parents of the older teen who had been gone for four years. What a miracle. Please pray for these families as they start to heal from this experience.

I've found since having J. that stories about children who have been kidnapped, gone missing, have chronic illnesses, witnessed traumatic experiences, etc. affect me in a way that they never did before becoming a mother. Knowing now the kind of love and devotion and feelings I have for J. makes me realize on an entirely different level what it must be like for these parents. I tivo "The View" every day, and then watch it at night or on the weekends, and a few weeks ago Rosie had a teenager on the show who has cystic fibrosis (CF). As a surprise to the teen, they brought on the entire cast of Rent to sing along with this teen, who loves Rent. The girl was so ecstatic and looked absolutely amazed at her good luck. During the time she was singing along with the cast, they kept showing her mom, who was bawling and smiling at the same time. I lost it - many youth with CF don't live past their 20s or 30s, and you could tell watching this mom that she knew that this could be one of the best days of her daughter's life and how absolutely happy she was for her to have this moment, but also how bittersweet it must be. I can't watch shows like "Law and Order: SVU" or "CSI" anymore because so often they deal with abuse and crimes against children. I have to keep myself from reading headlines about children being hurt or killed because I know if I do, that's all I'll think about for days.

I am so thankful for J. and that he is healthy and happy, but I also know that this could change at any minute and I have to be grateful for every moment that I have with him and with H. It's so scary to think that something could happen to either one of them, and while I don't want to be consumed by that worry, I also feel like I should be realistic and know that the time I have with them is only a gift, and it might not always be there. And then that completely freaks me out because I don't think I could go on if something happened to J. (and H. too, although that's a little different).