deleting

Well, I went ahead and deleted my last two posts. I'm too paranoid about someone finding this blog, and since I share a computer with H. at home, I'm always worried that I will forget to log-out, or he'll start looking at my bookmarked sites or something.

If you read them and commented, thanks for putting up with my need to see my thoughts in black and white. It never seems as bad as I think it is once I've actually written out and then gone back and read it a few times.

I decided I can keep feeling sorry for myself today, and tomorrow I'll figure out what to do about it.

10 days without a post . . .

I realized that the past few weeks were a really bad time for me to start a blog and then actually make regular posts. I've started about 10 posts in the last few days and haven't finished any of them. Why? Because stupid me, who can't say no, is still doing consulting work for my old, pre-baby job in order to help them make a March 5 deadline for a huge project. Granted, I really like the extra money and I feel really invested in this project since I'd worked on the first submission of it last year (it went in 6 weeks before J. was born, and I really thought I was going to go into early labor from all the stress and work). I was sad to leave this job, as I really did like it, and it's been nice to stay connected to it. And the work is something I feel really confident about doing, unlike my new job which is more challenging and new work.


However, every free minute I have has been spent working. I've barely been keeping up with the consulting work and barely doing the minimum I need with my real/other job. I feel like this:




Since I'm doing all this work from home (about 35 hours a week) with only 8 hours of childcare a week, it's been really hard to do anything on the computer other than work. And H. has been working late lately, and often not getting home until J. is in bed already, which means that I was entirely responsible for J. all day and all night.

Oh, and did I mention that I am also taking care of all the "what's for dinner?", "do I have any clean white shirts?", "did you pick up the dry cleaning", "when is our appointment with the accountant?", "our trees need trimming" crap. Which doesn't leave much working time, and also leaves me exhausted by the time J. goes to bed.



You know, of all the "jobs" I'm doing, the one I'd most like to quit is Wife. It's probably the least enjoyable and least self-fulfilling right now.

I hate rude people and I love wine.

I was making calls for work to remind our volunteers about an upcoming program and volunteer appreciation day, and I left a message for this one woman, who called me back a few minutes later. She hadn't listened to the message I left, but had just seen the number on her caller ID and was calling it back, even though she didn't know who it was. So we had a few minutes of awkward, "who are you and why are you calling" exchange:

Her: Hi, I just got a call from this number. Who is this?
ME: Oh, hi, this is Midwest Texan and I was calling people about Work; I must have left you a message. What was your name?
Her: Oh, I didn't check the messages.
ME: Ok, but who is this? (all this while I'm scanning my list of names trying to see if I can figure out who the hell this is)
Her: Oh, this is Rude Lady.
ME: Oh, ok, well I wanted to remind you about. . . . and then as I proceed to go into this, she interrupts with:
Her: Yeah, whatever, I don't have time right now for this, I'm at work.
ME: Not a problem, but you just returned my call, so . . .
Her: I can't talk, bye.

And hangs up on me.

I hate people who call people back from the caller id. Especially if they don't know who it was that called them! And then why did she call someone back if she was at work and couldn't talk anyway! The whole point of leaving someone a message is that they can then return the call at their convenience.

On the flip side, I'm drinking wine right now and so everything seems so much better. I'm trying a new white wine I picked up from Trader Joe's for $4.99: Honey Moon Viognier. It was really good - not too sweet, and just right for having a few glasses.