and all the good things

I realized that part of why I think I was feeling so frustrated and emotional the last few days is because I have been experiencing 19-months worth of PMS in the last week. I finished breastfeeding completely about two weeks ago (after going down to morning and night only for the previous six weeks), and I've had two periods since January, with each being worse than what I ever experienced pre-pregnancy. And the emotional swings associated with them have been noticeably different than pre-pregnancy. I think my hormones must still be out of whack.

But, even with all this being worse post-pregnancy, I would do it all again to go 19 months without a period! I hate dealing with it and really enjoyed not having to for so long!

I'm also feeling like I'm physically out of shape - I hate the softness of my stomach, the post-baby "pooch", and how none of my br@s fit anymore! So my lack of interest in s.ex is due in part to me not physically feeling up to it. I need to start running more and working on my abs.

I talked with H. a little about some of what was going on and what I was feeling, and we had a good conversation. If I bring it up at the right time (i.e., not as soon as he gets in the door from work or at night right before we go to sleep), he does really listen and is open to what I'm saying.

I'm also trying to make more of an effort to notice all the positive things he is doing:

~ comes home every night and takes J. to give me a break, sits and plays with him, gets him ready for dinner, gives him a bath after dinner, reads him books before bed
~ calls in the afternoon to let me know what time he'll be home, to check in on dinner plans, and to see if we need anything picked up on his way home
~ initiates conversations about weekend plans, what would be a good time for him to go into work (he always goes in over the weekend to get caught up on work), what we want to do with J. over the weekend, what things we want to get done around the house, and what we want to do in the evenings
~ unloads the dishwasher without any prompting or reminders
~ always parks on the street so I can have the garage
~ makes sure I know that he wants me to have some "fun" money out of our tax refund
~ trusts me completely with handling all of our finances, bills, etc
~ has a great sense of humor and can easily get me to relax and not be so uptight about stuff

I can't remember what book I read this in, or who the author was, but in college I read something that had a section in it about love. And the bottom line was that love, in marriage, often was something that you had to consciously decide to do - that you had to choose every day to love the person you were married to. Married love isn't always going to be exciting and full of fun and fireworks, but often is just the continuous decision to love the person you are with. And I think this is just one of those moments where I shouldn't be expecting fireworks, but instead just love H. because he is my husband and I am his wife.

I also like remembering what H. and I heard in our marriage counseling before the wedding - you may marry the wrong person, but once you marry them, they become the right person.

H. was the right person before we were married, and there's not a chance now that he's become the wrong one. I need to remember that every day, even when I feel frustrated or disappointed.