What I really wanted to say

Making it official

2008-11-20T12:02:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I'm making it official by posting that I'm not going to be posting for a while. I'm not giving it up completely, but I just don't need the blog anymore for the reasons why I started it, and I'm just not into the anonoymous aspect of it.

I'd love to keep up with some of you outside of the blog world, so if you're on fa.cebook and we're not already "friends" on there, email me at midwesttexan(at)gmail(dot)com and I'll send you my facebook email address to connect with that way.

in other news - pregnancy is going good, work is going ok, life with husband and toddler is great.

What to say, what to say

2008-09-18T13:30:00.000-07:00

if you haven't figured this out by now, I'm not a regular blog poster. It drives me nuts when I click on a blog and realize that it hasn't been updated in weeks (or months), and yet, I do the same thing. I just trust that all of you are much more blog-savvy that I and have everything set up on one of those automatic thingeys that tell you when someone has updated their blog. So you're not actually clicking on me all the time to see if I've updated or not (like I do to all my blogs).

I reached my breaking point with the whole church thing. I just haven't been going. Not a solution, I know, but I am just beyond frustrated with it. I may write the next part of it, eventually, but for now I don't even really know where to pick up with my current frustrations or how to put it in words. I did love and really appreciated everyone's comments on the last post about church - but I also have to be honest and say that it kind of made me more frustrated, because it seemed like you have things figured out and your spouse was much more flexible than mine. Ugh. Here comes the pity party.

In good news though - and you should feel really special that I'm revealing this here - which I can only do because I trust that no one I actually know has stumbled upon this blog and knows its me - but I'm pregnant! It's early still, and we haven't told anyone and won't for a few weeks. I hadn't even told anyone when we were planning on starting to try to get pregnant, so although I'm sure people are wondering if we are thinking about a second kid or not (I know my MIL is very interested in more grandchildren and has been hinting often that since J is not a baby anymore, she needs another baby around!), no one really knew for sure and so we should be able to keep it quiet until we are ready to tell, which will be after we see/hear the heartbeat around 10-12 weeks. I've had two miscarriages in the past, so I really don't get too excited yet. I'm not even feeling pregnant yet - I took a pregnancy test again last night just to check again! But we're cautiously optimistic and hope that everything continues to go good.

PS - If you are on my facebook list, please don't say anything on there about the pregnancy! That probably goes without saying, but I figured I should mention it just in case.

Part 3: Posted below the food

2008-07-15T15:27:00.000-07:00

I can't figure out how to change the date on a post from when I started writing it to when I actually posted it, so the newest post (Part 3: church) is down below the food post.

If anyone knows how to do this, please let me know!

A break from the long wordy posts

2008-07-13T08:52:00.001-07:00

****7/14 update - I looked up the pork steak marinade (and made it to grill for dinner tomorrow); it's cumin, allspice, chile pepper, hot pepper sauce, oregano, orange juice, olive oil, lime juice, garlic, salt, and pepper. So good).******

Father's Day barbecue:

Cold rice salad with artichoke hearts, green olives, curry, & green onions. So good, and even better the next day.

Grilled pork steaks marinated with something really good (but now I totally forgot what it was! I'll have to go check my cookbook).

Grilled shrimp marinated in a ginger lime marinade.

Heirloom tomato salad with fresh herbs Yum - deviled eggs.

4 bean salad, with purple onions and vinaigrette.

We've been trying to cook more at home and I've been having fun with some new recipes and my All-C.lad gril.l pan! I've had this pan for a few years, but for some reason have never used it - I pulled it out a week ago to grill some chicken and I am hooked! It works really well, and drains all the fat down the sides. I don't plan to turn the oven on again all summer!
Grilled asparagus, marinated in balsamic vinegar, olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic, and onion salt

Grilled peaches, brushed with melted butter and brown sugar, to be served over ice cream

My dinner - lobster (I hadn't had any in about 3 years and really wanted one; Husband was nice enough to let me splurge), baked potato with cheese, boiled corn, grilled asparagus

Husbands dinner - steak (also done on the grill pan) and potato. He was in heaven. He did eventually eat some corn, but I think he was incredibly happy with just a plate of meat and potatoes.

J's dinner - he thought it was funny that I was taking pictures of our dinner, and really wanted me to take a picture of his plate also! He had veggie corn dogs, corn, cheese, blueberries (which he doesn't eat) and yogurt raisins.
This was our 4th of July brunch with friends - blueberry/strawberry french toast casserole with blueberry sauce and mixed fruit.

Part 3: Church

2008-07-10T20:02:00.000-07:00

First, I really appreciate your comments and empathy about my homesickness. I feel like I'm being pretty whiny and selfish by not appreciating all the great things I do have in St.L.ouis, so I hope it's not coming off entirely like that!

It has been surprisingly helpful to write all of this down. I have always loved to make lists, and writing through all these feelings is kind of like making a list of what's wrong and what I could be doing to pick things back up.

So on to the church situation. I need to backtrack for myself some on this so that I can really try to figure out where I'm headed. I spent the first 18 years of my life in a S.outher.n Ba.pti.st church - a wonderful church. Upon going to college, in a different state, I visited the local Bap.tist churches but didn't really find one that fit. I was dating a guy who was Met.hodist (also was at a school affiliated, historically, with the Met.hodist church), so that was a big influence and there was a big Met.hodist group at the school. In fact, the opportunities for involvement with a christian group at school was pretty split into two options: (1) the met.hodists (2) the ultra-conservative group (what some refer to as "Jesus-freaks"). I never fit in with the second type of group - simply put, I partied too much to be comfortable with that group and for them to be comfortable with me. But since I needed some connection to religion, and some outlet for my faith, I went with the metho.dist option. It worked for me during that time, and I came to love some aspects of this denomination and found a good outlet - I discovered new songs that I had never heard in a baptist church ("Lord of the Dance", "Sanctuary", "On Eagles Wings"), I attended and helped lead weekly campus services, I volunteered for a week over the summer as a counselor at church camp, etc. In sum, I was busy in the faith, but in retrospect what I was doing lacked, for me, a personal connection to God.

My junior year of college, I spent a semester in Colora.do Sprin.gs at a conservative, evangelical christian program for college students. (I won't mention it by name here, but if you know what program I'm talking about, and you attended there also, I'd love to hear from you - just email me at midwesttexan(at)gmail(dot)com). It involved classes and an internship, but most importantly, it gave me the opportunity to be enmeshed in my faith for a semester and to be surrounded by others who were of similar mind. I had never before, and don't expect that I ever will on this earth, experienced something like that semester. There aren't even words to describe it or to describe the lasting impact it has had on my life (oh and the friendships from it - when I talk about some of my friends that are true soul-friends that live so far away, two of them are from this semester). I started to experience what true faith could look like. During this semester, I attended lots of different churches and really explored what felt right for me. It was nice to do this, without the feeling that I had to commit to a church. What I found during this time was that the church that felt most right for me was, not surprisingly, a medium-sized baptis.t church with a strong mission and bible study emphasis and an emphasis on salvation by grace alone.

I went back to college and tried to again reconcile my college life with my now-renewed faith life. It didn't really happen so well. There was a lot going on (my boyfriend of 2 years and I had broken up, my roommate had gotten married and I was living alone and spending more time with a group that loved to drink (to put it mildly)) and church just got pushed to the backburner. I think since I had realized that the meth.odist church wasn't really doing it for me in a way that the bapti.st church did, I stopped going, but without finding a new place to settle.

I didn't really settle on a new church until I was off to grad school. In this new town, I looked for a bapt.ist church to become a part of, but I didn't find anything. There was a popular meth.odist church right on campus with a strong young adult program and a great youth program (I was looking for a place to volunteer, and I've always loved working with youth and wanted to contribute in this way). I felt comfortable-enough with the metho.dist church, and so in the absence of other options, I joined. Unlike in college, when I just attended a met.hodist church, I went ahead and joined the denomination through this church. My thinking was that if I was fully a part of it, then maybe it would "work" better for me.

Like before though, the church just became a place I went. I worked with the youth group, sponsored a few girls for communion, attended services, and went to Wednesday night dinner/prayer group. I went, but I didn't grow in my faith. Of course, it probably didn't help that I was not exactly living a christ-like life at this time, but that's a whole other story.

Ok, so fast forward a bit. During grad school, I met my husband, who is Ca.tholic. Didn't seem like a big deal - he himself had expressed a bit of uncertainty with with where he went to church and had been considering other places. And I went with him to Mass a few times, and thought it was ok. And neither one of us was really attending church all that regularly anyway.

So we get married (at the church I grew up in), get settled, enjoy our first year of marriage, we alternate between visiting a bap.tist church I found and the cat.holic church near our house, then we're pregnant, baby is on the way, and I start feeling like we should figure out a church and decide on something so that we can get more involved and get to know people, etc. Husband says "I'm Catholic, I've always been Catholic, my family is Catholic, and I'm going to the Catholic church. You can do what you want".

What I want is for us to go to church together. I grew up seeing my parents develop wonderful relationships with other couples at their church, I want to go to the married adult Sunday school (not the "ladies class"), I want it to be something we share and can talk about together. I want to be on the same page when it comes to our faith.

So Catholic it is. And while pregnant with J, I start going through the classes at our local parish to join the Catholic church.

Whew. Does it make you laugh or roll your eyes if I tell you all this was just the introduction to what I'm struggling with?

I'm finishing this later. I doubt anyone made it this far as it is! But if you did, thanks. :)

Part 2

2008-07-08T13:06:00.000-07:00

So I'm still sad, but not as sad as last week. I'm not crying every day, which is good, and I've done a few more things that have made me start to feel better. We had friends over for the 4th of July for brunch and then to take the kids to the parade (pictures on fa.cebook and my family blog) - it was nice to do something social and it definitely did help make me appreciate the new house since it is set up so much better for entertaining and has so much more room for company than the old house. We also went to a firewor.ks party, just Husband and I, at the home of one of our old neighbor's fiance. His house is actually walking distance from our new house, and they are tearing down and building on this lot, so she will be our neighbor again in a year! There were a lot of our old neighbors there, so it was fun to see them and hear stories about the people that bought our old house. Apparently they are addicted to concr.ete statues and large plants and the neighbors all think the yard is starting to look tacky! The new people also have been rummaging through everyone's trash and taking things - broken patio umbrell.a, wagon, old dirty planters - that they then display in the yard! I found that so funny - I have nothing against taking things from someone's trash if it is usable, but I would never take something from a neighbor and then display it where everyone, including the person who was throwing it away, could see it.

So the nostalgia is getting a little better. I still really, really miss Te.xas and have wasted some time trying to figure out if there is any way we could move back there. I've also wasted time thinking about all the ways it would be better there. And the only conclusion I've come to is that the only way I would be moving back there would be without Husband, because he's not moving there, so I don't really think that's an option. But, since this is my blog and I can say what I want, I have to admit that part of me considered that for a little bit. Then I realized that I would probably miss him more than I miss Texa.s. I also realized that as much as I am idealizing what my life would be like if I lived in Te.xas, there would still probably be things I didn't like about it and even things that I missed about St.L.ouis!

One thing that I did that has helped make me feel better is writing letters. The real kind, that requires a stamp and pen and paper. I stayed up late one night re-reading letters from college and on that I had saved, and I realized that it's been a really, really long time since I've written or received a letter, unless it was for someone's birthday or some other occasion. No one I know writes letters (well, except my Mom) since email is so accessible and cheap and even calling long-distance is so easy now because of cell phones and free minutes. So I wrote a few letters to friends and mailed them off. I still have a few more that I want to write, so I am going to do that in a minute. There's one letter I really want to write, but it's one that will be hard to write, and I'm working on it. It has to do with a lot of the stuff in my past that I am trying to make sense of, and I don't want to write the letter until I know exactly how to say things.

So that's the nostalgia. It is getting better. I think that I may make another trip to Da.ll.as this fall, before our scheduled Christmas trip. The hard part about going down there is that it is so hard to fit in everyone and everything that I want to see and do. And it doesn't' help that my mom gets upset if I don't spend enough time with her (if she had her way, I'd only hang out with her while I was there and not do anything else!). So it's hard to balance it all. And I hate fighting with my mom when I want to go see someone but she thinks I'm not spending enough time with her and starts getting upset about how she spent so much time getting ready for me to visit and blah, blah, blah and then hits me with a guilt trip and makes me feel bad for leaving to visit someone else for even an hour. So I never leave feeling like I got to see everyone that I wanted to and that even those I did spend time with, it wasn't enough.

So Part 3 will have to focus on the church and God stuff. Or maybe church alone will be part 3, because there's a lot there. And I've been thinking through that also and trying to make some decisions about what I can do to help figure it out. So up next, my search for a church.

why I'm blogging again

2008-07-01T13:26:00.000-07:00

It amazes me that it has been three months since I have last posted. I can't believe how quickly that time went by, and how often I thought of things I wanted to write about, but how little motivation I had to actually sit down and write.

I'm blogging again today because I am horribly sad. Not about anything in particular, and nothing major has happened (fortunately). I can pinpoint some of the things that started leading up to this but it is just the last few days that I've felt stuck because of it. So I'm hoping writing something will help. I can define the sadness - a lot of it is sad feelings of nostalgia, brought on by the move from our first home and then complicated this past week by going to Te.xas and seeing friends and family there. Some of the sadness is just a realization lately that I'm not fully where I need to be with God and my faith, and that part of that is because we lack a good church HOME (we have places that I would call our "house of worship", but nothing that feels like a home and that we feel connected to). Some of the sadness is from my recent realization that I missed a lot of opportunities in the years before I met Husband to truly show what God can do to transform someone and that I won't have the chance to re-do that part of my life (I know that doesn't make any sense; I'm not sure if I want to go into details).

I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to get out of this. Obviously, it would have been ridiculous for us to continue to live in our 2-bedroom house just because I feel sentimental about it. I have been blessed and am grateful for our wonderful new house, which has so many great things about it (huge back yard, main floor laundry, 4 bedrooms, a big master bedroom, walk-in closet, family neighborhood) and will be the place of so many more great memories. Maybe I need to start doing a little more to make some good memories here instead of moping around. Invite friends over, decorate (hard to do with the new mortgage), ?????

I also should stop driving by our old house. It's on one route to my in-laws house, so I've used that as an excuse to go by it, but there are other routes I can take. I think it's just too hard to see it, and it makes J upset to go by it as he doesn't understand why we aren't stopping (and it kills me to hear him crying for "old home" and then saying "no new house!". So no more drive-bys.

Moving back to Texas is not an option, unfortunately. I really am going to have to find a way to like where we live. I can't sit around feeling nostalgic about Texas and living there and the people there. I need to make more friends here. My closest friends - the ones I feel like I can call about anything and talk to about anything - are all out of town. And although phone, email, and occasional visits are wonderful, they aren't the same as having someone close by. I need that kind of friend here. And yes, Husband is my best friend, and a wonderful one at that, but it's not the same as a best-girl friend. I miss that.

more later.

Good news!

2008-04-03T11:59:00.000-07:00

We finalized the inspection/repairs on our current house yesterday! I'm just glad it's over and I'm trying not to think too much about the money that we will be spending on the repairs. We did get a decent price on the house, especially considering the current market and how many people are accepting prices on their house well be.low the current value and/or, in some situations, even below what the current seller paid for the house.

We also put in an offer this morning on a house and it was accepted! We're pretty happy with the offer and feel like we are getting a good price on the house. Now we just have to get through the inspection without any major issues popping up and we will be set to clo.se on both houses on the same day.

As stressful as this process has been, I am grateful that it has all happened so quickly. We went on the market and a week later had an offer on our house. I am thankful that I did not have the stress of showing our house for weeks, especially with J and with a dog that had to be out of the house for every showing (she goes crazy barking at people and couldn't just be in the yard or the basement during a showing because she would go nuts). I am thankful that I did not have to keep my house super clean for any longer than that one week! I am thankful that our inspection did not reveal anything more than minor, "fixable" repairs. I am thankful that we found a house we both like, in a neighborhood we both like, and it will something we can stay in for a while. There are a few things we don't love about the house (it sits on a busy street, it needs a new roof, will need new a/c within the next few years, kitchen is not updated, there's a strange issue with the driveway and fence, all bedrooms are upstairs - we wanted a main floor master - and the taxes in the town are horribly high), but in general it's a great house and it is really good for us. It has a main floor laundry room, and huge backyard, already fenced and with a built-in playset, and it has great closet space, 4 bedrooms, and two full baths (although one full is on the main level without any bedrooms there, which makes it not that useful). And we got it for a great price with very little hassle.

I think our real.tor was actually shocked at the price we settled on for the house - she didn't think we'd get it anywhere near this price. Of course, she also didn't think we should have listed our current house as high as we did, she didn't think we'd get an offer as high as we did on this house, and as I mentioned already, she didn't think the buy.er would accept our offer on how to resolve the inspection issues. So far she's 0-3 (house selling price, inspection, and house to buy price).

About something other than the house (for the most part)

2008-03-31T13:23:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to think about things other than our house. So before I write about something fun that has nothing to do with my house, I need to get out one more thing about the house:

we heard back from the buyer - he wants the el.ectr.ic pan.el done. it looks like we are going to agree to it even though we swore up and down we wouldn't spend that money. bye-bye money.

Moving on . . . .

A few months ago I found my high school boyfriend (hereafter referred to as Pilot) on Facebook. We aren't on bad terms or anything, there's just really no reason for us to be friends. I haven't seen him since 2001 when we had one fun night together when we were both in town and single. Lots of fun. But that's another post.

I looked at his friend list and found that his mom was on it! I loved his mom - we got along really well and had a great time talking and I always enjoyed her company. So I sent her a friend request, she wrote back with a long note about how she still thinks about me and much we enjoyed each other's company. She was wonderful for my self-esteem - after Pilot and I broke up, we were still friends in high school and during college and I would go over during breaks to visit and talk with her. She always referred to me as family and introduced me to her friends as "who she wished was her daughter-in-law". I missed her more than I ever missed Pilot when we eventually drifted apart.

So now that we've reconnected over facebook, we've been emailing. She writes long, funny notes with stories about what she remembers from when her kids where J's age, what things she did to deal with toddlers, what it's like now to have a grandchild (Pilot and his wife recently had their first baby) and other little notes about life that I really enjoy. She is full of good advice and I love writing with her. It's kind of like having a mother-in-law that's not really your mother-in-law so there's none of those weird dynamics of being married to this person's son! It's been a real highlight of my life lately to get her emails and I'm so happy to have reconnected with her.

Other non-house news: my old pre-baby job (the one that I consulted with for a long time after leaving in 2006) is coming available - the woman that I trained last summer for the position is leaving, and the job is mine again if I want it. I don't, because it's a very full-time job and doesn't have any potential for upward growth, but it's nice to know that option is there. I'm tempted to go back to work full-time because sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with working from home and trying to take care of J, but I know that feeling would only be compounded if I was working full-time. I have to keep reminding myself that toddlerhood and being a stay-at-home mom is only one stage of my life, and that this is the time I'm in right now. There will be a time later down the road to go back to work full-time, and I'm sure when I make that decision that I'll miss the opportunity to be home full-time. So I'm trying to just be happy in my life now, as a part-time work from home/stay at home mom, as to be grateful that I have the opportunity and ability to do this when my kids are young.

My house is a ticking fir.ebomb

2008-03-29T20:16:00.000-07:00

My mother asked me the other day if I had anything else going on in my life other than selling the house. I guess I've been talking a little too much about it.

IT IS JUST THAT IT IS CONSUMING EVERYTHING.

All my thinking, all my MONEY, all my time.

I can't get away from it.

We just returned the buyer's inspectio.n to them with the agreement on what things we will fix or not. Our realt.or is being Ms. Devil's Advocate and telling us that she thinks "they are just going to walk away. I know it. I can just tell that they are not going to be happy and are going to walk away".

Well, hell, go right on ahead and walk away if you want. I DON'T CARE. I am going to live in this house forever because it's easy. And comfortable. AND DOESN'T INVOLVE FIXING EXPENSIVE THINGS FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

And any other children we might have will be quite comfortable in the tents we put up for them in the yard in lieu of additional bedrooms. Oh, and we will really enjoy using our port-a-potty in lieu of another bathroom.

We agreed to most of the items on the buyer's inspection list - so we are doing a fair amount of repairs. We aren't doing two or three things, which our realtor is insisting are the things that are probably really important to the buyer. And of course, will cause the buyer to walk away. Fast. And without looking back.

Note to the buyer: If they were really important to you, then you shouldn't have included them in the middle of a list of 20 other things. You should have put them in all caps at the top of a list that only included 2 or 3 other items.

Note to our realtor: WHOSE F***ING SIDE ARE YOU ON? DO YOU WANT TO SELL THIS HOUSE OR NOT?

And about the title. I forgot that when we had our inspection a few years ago when we bought the house that our inspector noted that our garage and house were not separated by firewalls and in fact had very combustible material as a separating wall. In addition, we have Fe.de.ral P.ac.ific elect.ric pan.els which are apparently a HUGE fire risk and MUST be replaced.

However, when we bought the house, our realtor (same person as we are using now) did not think that this was a big deal and urged us to go ahead with the house because did we really want to lose it over such a minor issue as firewalls and exploding electric panels?

Now, of course, these are the very SAME things that are causing the SAME realtor to exclaim that our buyer will be disappear into the wilderness, never to be heard from again, if we don't immediately fix them and offer money to ease the pain and suffering experienced by said buyer upon finding out that the 50+ year old house had things that needed to be replaced.

So now I'm not sleeping because I'm just waiting for my Fe.de.ral P.ac.ific elect.ric pan.el to explode and spread rapidly into the garage where it will cause my car to explode because there is no fir.ewall. And since the elect.ric panel is under J's room and the garage is under our room, well, you can guess how my overactive imagination ends this story.

House, part 2

2008-03-18T11:30:00.000-07:00

I have a feeling that I will have about 100 posts on the house by the time its all said and done. Its just that it's feeling very all-consuming right now, and I think since this is the first time we've ever sold a house, all the unknowns and uncertainties are really making me stressed.

Thanks for the reminder that we'll be making new memories in the new house - I hadn't really focused on that as much and I think once we do find a new house, I'll feel less emotional about leaving this one because we'll have something to look forward to.

The inspections are tomorrow. I was able to get our city inspection scheduled for the morning and then the buyers' inspection is in the afternoon. So we'll know what the city has said by the time we get the buyers requests back and can hopefully use the city report as leverage against any problems they have found if the city had approved everything.

We're going to look at a few more houses tomorrow night - there are two that we're really excited about, so hopefully something will work out. We also met with our accountant last night and found out we'll be getting a nice tax return this year; we also discussed with her how to structure our tax payments on the money we're using for the down payment so that we have more of it available as cash right now and then we can spread out the ta.x payments over the course of the year. This means we won't have a refund next year and will have to save additional for taxes throughout this year (either Husband will increase his witholdings at work or we will put his bonuses towards the taxes), but it works so much better to spread out the tax liability over the year than pay it all right now when we close the funds. So I'm relieved about that working out.

I'm going to try and do something other than house things for the rest of the afternoon. I have work to do, and a whole bunch of shows saved on the DVR, so I may go fold some laundry and watch tv. J is asleep now - he only napped for about 45 minutes yesterday - so I'm hoping he'll take a good nap today!

House

2008-03-17T14:44:00.000-07:00

So our house is now under contr.act, after one week on the market. I'm frustrated though because we let our age.nt talk us into taking less than we wanted and now I'm feeling like we shouldn't have done that, especially since we just found our that the money we are using for the down pay.ment is going to be 6K less than we thought because of taxes. And I think our house is worth more than what it's going for and we could have gotten more. Oh well. We're just not going to agree to much on the inspections if it is going to cost us money because we just won't have the cash to do it. We also thought it would take longer to sell our house, which was better because that gave us more opportunity to save from our paychecks and bonuses. So I'm feeling screwed.

And we're rushing now to find a house, which is making me discouraged because I don't like anything out there! I hate how houses look great in the pictures and awful in person. And I don't want to end up homeless in between this house and the next.

And of course I'm loving our current house now that its in perfect condition to sell. And I'm sad to leave it, because it was our fir.st home. And J came home to this house and I love his room here. And I'm not looking forward to packing.

So in general I'm feeling rather negative today.

I hope they don't hold a grudge

2008-03-12T09:43:00.000-07:00

So I mentioned, briefly, in my last post that one of the things we had to do to get the house ready to sell was rem.ove the bir.ds from the exhaust fan over our oven. We have a really neat, original exhaust fan built right into the wall; the fan is one of the cute things about our house (the laundry chute and little built-in mailbox being two of the other things that I'll miss). You open a little door above the oven and the fan starts right up. There's a vent on the outside of the house, which is how the little sparrows got into the fan to build their nests.

This is now the second year that they were building in there - We first noticed them in October 2006, when J was about 6 months old. At first, I liked hearing the chirping of birds and didn't notice that they were actually in our vent - I thought that they were just sitting on the fence outside. But then that spring, when they had eggs in there and later, when the baby birds were hatched, we heard them ALL the time. All day and often through the night as well. I called a few places for quotes on remo.ving the nest, but was told that there wasn't anything that could be done as long as there were babies in there - we'd have to wait until summer and then remove it.

So we listened to the birds all spring (J would chirp along with them) and they started to feel kind of like our pets. Summer came, they left, and we forgot about the nest and having it removed. The fact that most of the quotes for removal were around $300 probably also had something to do with our lack of motivation to rem.ove the nest.

This fall, the birds came back and started working on the nest again. I called around again for remo.val quotes, everything came back over $300, and so Husband and I decided to tackle the birds ourselves. And we had to remove them now - it wasn't going to be a selling point to someone that we have a family of birds comfortably settled in our oven fan.

We tackled the bi.rd project last Saturday, the night before our first open house. Husband duct-taped a heavy-duty trash bag all around the vent, then opened it and used the trash bag to scoop everything out. I was amazed at how much was in there! They had two separate nests, one in front of the fan on the outside of the house and one behind the fan, inside the house. We cleared everything out, sprayed down the fan with disinfectant, and it looks good as new.

I do feel slightly guilty about having torn apart all their hard work, but at the same time, I don't care since these birds were going to cost us $$ to get them removed. Since Sunday, however, we have had to leave the fan running all the time because the birds are sitting out on our fence chirping as loud as they can! I think it's in protest for having lost their nest. We don't want them to move back in (at least not until we are out of the house!), and we couldn't figure out something to use to cover the vent since its an odd shape. So it's funny now to hear them "complaining". I hope they don't shower our cars with bird crap.

Here, but not sure what happended to February

2008-03-09T19:21:00.000-07:00

I just haven't felt like writing. It's hard sometimes to see everything out in print. When I first started the blog, I thought it would be a great way to get out all the things I like to gripe about and a good way to sort through things since I no longer have the daily opportunity to go through things with friends at work. But sometimes, seeing things in writing is scary. And many days I'm just too tired to rehash it all. If this was my family/baby blog, things would be a little more fun, because J is just a blast these days, but this is my spot and I have a separate blog for all the kid things.

And since many of the people I like to read have been slow in posting lately or not posting at all (like you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and even you), I haven't even been checking as much. And some days I'm just too lazy to log in to the blogger to bother to post or comment. Sorry.

So here's the highlights of the past 6 weeks:

Husband had a birthday. I had a dilemma over the cake. Who should make the cake once married? His mom or me? I know he likes my cake better, and I like my cake better, and I usually make a cake and do dessert, but this year his mom jumped the gun and celebrated his birthday days in advance, and she made the cake. So then I didn't think I should make another cake on his actual birthday since we already had cake. And for some reason, this seemed like a much bigger dilemma at the time that it does now.

I had surgery on my mouth. It was the third time I had this procedure and it sucked. I forgot how awful the recovery was. I did lose a few pounds from not eating for a few weeks, which I've now put back on in the last two weeks in some junk food craze that I've been on. Easter candy is probably my favorite candy of all year (Cadbury minieggs, Cadbury creme eggs, Reese peanut butter eggs, Little Debbie easter cakes) and I've been eating nothing but crap for two weeks. I have to stop. I'm stopping tomorrow.

We put our house on the market. That probably consumed most of my non-work time in the past few weeks. We had quite a few major things to do to get ready to sell, including installing a new vanity and removing birds from our oven exhaust fan. Both things that should have been handled by professionals and instead, I decided that we should do it ourselves. Big mistake. The vanity installation ended up costing us more than it would have had we just had someone else do it from the get-go as I had to invest in new tools, caulk, caulk gun and smoother (which I didn't know you needed and Husband had to get at Walmart at 1 am while we were trying to install the vanity), etc. and we also ended up having to call a plumber out anyway to fix the connections because when we hooked everything back up we ended up with a big leak. But we had out first open house today and the house was ready to go. Now if someone would just buy it.

I'm upset and angry at a few people. It's a long story, and the thing is that I'm not even sure if I mind that I'm upset. I think actually it may be the break and reason to not care anymore that I've been wanting. It's still hard to let go, and I need to make my peace with that. But sometimes you just live too far away for the effort to really be worth it. And if you can put that effort into others that are worth it, well then, that might just be better.

J is a blast. I love toddlers. And now that we have a full-fledged toddler, I'm ready for a baby and so is Husband. Hence the reason our two bedroom house is now for sale. We're not trying yet, but will be late summer/early fall. But back to J - he is so much fun. I am really enjoying being his mom and hanging out with him. His vocabulary has just exploded - he repeats everything and then starts using it on his own. He's taken to calling Husband by his first name and also chats up everyone we meet out in public. He loves ice cream, chicken nuggets, and cereal bars. He points out and yells the color for everything red, blue, or yellow and he counts from 4-10 (we aren't sure why he doesn't like 1-3). He loves his friends and talks about them all the time. He also is a big fan of the dog and cats and loves playing with them. He also still is loving baseball, soccer, basketball, hockey, and any other sport. He reads alot of books, both on his own and with us, and especially likes his books about trains or sports. He does have a stubborn streak in him and has a hard time when he doesn't get his way, but in general he's a pretty fun kid.

So that's it for now. I need to write some about work, because I've been thinking about that a lot lately and how I think I want a more structured (i.e., not working from home) job, but I dont' know if the timing is good to look for it. So we'll see.

Yeah!

2008-01-28T19:16:00.001-08:00

I entered a contest over at 5 Minutes for Mom, and I won this great book!

I can't wait to receive it and start reading. I'll post a review once I've finished it.

Thanks to 5 Minutes for Mom! I love winning things. :)

Pictures

2008-01-28T12:35:00.001-08:00

I took this from a friend's blog, and since she is a "friend in real-life" friend, I can't link back to her. But thanks.

I thought this was kind of fun and a great way to procrastinate the four huge projects I need to start for work.

Type your answer to each of the items listed below into a Google image search and post a photo from the first results page.

Favorite Animal

One of Your Favorite Places
A place you would like to visit
Your college major (I think this is an odd photo for Psychology)
Favorite holiday
A bad habit
Age at next birthday
Favorite food
Middle name (and no, it's not Hosanna in spite of what the picture says)
Favorite color
Where you live

Ow

2008-01-25T14:17:00.000-08:00

I had g.um gr.aft surgery this morning. Not fun. It's the third time I've had it done, and I saw a new per.iodon.tist for this and I don't like how he did it. It's really uncomfortable, although only slightly painful, and the packing they used to protect the donor gum site tastes awful. The per.iodon.tist I used before didn't use packing, just a plastic shield which was more comfortable.

I'm also starving. A bowl of pudding doesn't do much to fill you up. Husband is bringing home a milkshake, so that will be good. My parents are in town to watch J, so they are off at the chil.dren's museum right now with him and I'm just watching tv and doing a little work.

I've got a big meeting for work on Tuesday and I'm hoping I can talk by then! And that this packing doesn't make my br.eath stink.

This may explain why I like Donna Reed so much

2008-01-25T14:05:00.000-08:00

YOU BELONG IN 1959You Belong in 1959

You belong in 1959

You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!

What Year Do You Belong In?

Taken from Sugar and Ice. Thanks!

the music of the past

2008-01-21T19:32:00.000-08:00

I think I'm going to have to stop listening to some of my favorite music - I've realized that it just has too strong of a connection to things, and people, and events, of my past that every time I hear these songs, I think too much of the past. And while that might be good sometimes - because it's always nice to realize how far you've come - it can really pull you down to focus so much on the past.

I love these songs and the artists, and sometimes I love the memories they evoke. But lately they've just made me more nostalgic for the past, and I've been spending too much time thinking about some of the people in my past and what they're doing and what might have been.

And that's just no good for right now.

Why moms should not drink

2008-01-18T11:59:00.000-08:00

It's not so much fun to stay out late and drink wine when you have to get up at 545 am because you have a wide awake child!

We went out last night with some friends for a char.ity event. It was fun, and I took lots of mental notes for myself for work. The event was at a great venue - a restaurant with an upstairs party space - and they had a huge silent auction and live auction. That's something I've been thinking about doing for my non.prof.it, and so I was able to think about some ideas and how we might do it. One thing I noticed is that you really have to have a good balance between the number and type of auction items and the number of people attending. The event last night had way too many items given the number of attendees, and so many of the items only had one or two bidders and there was not much competition to drive the price up because there were many similar items people were spreading out the bids across. But then I think about an event that I went to a few months ago and they had too few items for the number of people, and they were very specialized items, so only a handful of people ending up bidding on them. They did have a child photo package at that event and some women beat me on it because she grabbed the sheet and put her name down AFTER they had already collected the sheets! Turns out she knew the person going through all the silent auction sheets - I'm still bitter. :)

Anyway, I'm thinking about work because I have so much to do. And instead of doing it, I'm sitting her nursing my hangover. It's mid-afternoon, J is asleep, and even though this is my main work time today, I still have too much of a headache and am too tired to do anything that requires energy. I did work a few hours this morning because I had a community meeting to attend, so at least I got something done today.

Anyway, back to last night. The event was good but they had very little food available, even though the event ran from 5:30 to 9ish. I was very surprised that there was not something more dinner-like offered, but all that they had were some very light snack type food. We ended up going to the restaurant and eating there, which was great. I had a wonderful steak, mac and cheese, and apples and ice cream for dessert. Yum.

We came home and me being slightly tipsy, I chatted way too much with the sitter, who I'm sure was ready to go. I can't quite remember what I was telling her about; I hope it wasn't anything inappropriate!

We're taking it easy this weekend - Husband is taking J to a bas.ebal.l event tomorrow so I have the day to myself! It will be a nice change after having Husband at work most of the last few Saturdays and me at home with J all day. I do have a short meeting for work tomorrow to visit a new site, but it should be quick and then I have the rest of the day. I may go sit in Barn.es and No.ble and browse books for a while - that was one of my favorite pre-baby activities and of course it's impossible to do that with a toddler!

Life with a toddler

2008-01-16T15:10:00.000-08:00

I need to remember that when living with a toddler, after every bad day, there will be a good day again.

Yesterday - 30 minute nap.
Today - 2.5+ (he's still asleep!) nap

Yesterday - breakfast on the floor, in his hair, on me, on the window, and on the dog.
Today - asked for MORE and it only took me 3 minutes to clean up the mess, because there was none!

Yesterday - screamed and cried for the trash truck to come. begged me to open the front door for the trash truck. talked nonstop about "trash truck! outside! trash truck! pease, mommy!" Didn't seem to understand when I tried to explain that the trash truck only comes twice a week.
Today - the wonderful trash truck not only came, but for some odd reason, drove down our street THREE times. Thank you Lord.

Yesterday - pulled down all the clean cups that were drying on the counter.
Today - helped clean up his room before we left for school.

Yesterday - threw dinner everywhere and refused to eat most of it.
Today - I won't be home for dinner, so it's not my problem!

It gets really tiring sometimes having a toddler. I'm tired. Are you tired? If you aren't, why not?

Suburb girl in the city

2008-01-12T19:17:00.000-08:00

We've been house-hunting for a few months now, but nothing has really hit the mark with either of us. Up to this point, we've mainly looked in a few of the neighborhoods right around where we live now, which would be described as one of the suburbs of Sa.int L.ouis. But we haven't found anything and have been frustrated with the houses in our price range. Everything is small - small closets, small kitchen, small bedrooms, small baths, and very few of the last two. Many of the houses are 3 bedrooms and 1.5 or maybe 2 baths. Then in addition to small, you get an old kitchen, old baths, no garage, and a generally not so great house. But you're living in a great neighborhood - very family friendly - with great schools, a rec center, pool, cute downtown area - and lots of VERY nice houses right next to the not-so-great houses - it just happens that the very nice houses are about 3+ times out of our price range. If only we could afford one of those houses.

But we can't. So we started looking in the city. Just saying that makes me get a little queasy feeling in my stomach. I don't do city. I'm a suburb girl - I grew up in the suburbs of Dallas and I don't know anything else. The city makes me nervous - I feel like I'd be afraid to go out after dark or take J for a walk. And the houses are close together, with more traffic and the schools stink. But Husband grew up in the city and in the same way I consider myself a suburb person, he considers himself a city guy. He loves it - loves the little neighborhood bars and restaurants and stores, loves the ease of getting downtown, loves the original woodwork and trim and doors and layout of the homes, and he wants to move there. So I've finally given in and agreed to look at houses there.

And OH.MY.GOODNESS.

The houses in OUR price range (which isn't much, folks) are unbelievable. And they have UPDATED KITCHENS. Which, if you aren't currently house-hunting and not up to speed on the lingo, could mean many things. For instance, some people call something "updated" if they painted within the last ten years. Or actually mopped the floors. But these houses in the city? THESE ARE REAL UPDATED KITCHENS. With stainless steel appliances, granite counter tops, center islands, and room to walk around. And the baths? Huge. Master bath with walk-in showers and separate whirlpool tubs and double vanity. Huge bedrooms. Modern, pott.ery barn paint colors. Huge walk-in closets with build-in organizers. And all this with the unbelievable craftsmanship of these late 1800s homes - solid wood staircases with intricately carved designs and built-in benches, huge arched ceilings with beautiful trim and molding, solid wood pocket doors, stain glass windows, and wood floors with inlaid designs. Many of the homes also have a third floor room, which would make a great playroom or office space. And this is in addition to four bedrooms and 2.5 baths!

And there are lots of families moving in to these neighborhoods because all these houses are being rehabbed. And although the public schools stink, there is a great parochial school nearby, which is always an option for us. So I'm trying to figure out if I really will be happy living there or if it is just too different than how I see myself. And if the suburbs mean that much to me, and the city that much to Husband, then is he really unhappy living here? Is it ridiculous that I think of myself as a suburb person and feel odd about living in the city?

I think I might be more of a updated kitchen/bath/big bedrooms/big closet kind of girl and maybe it doesn't/shouldn't matter where I find it.

Meme to start the year

2008-01-03T19:33:00.000-08:00

January: Started blogging, as I was now home more during the day and had been reading blogs for a few months. Officially "quit" my pre-baby job and no longer went into work there, although I kept doing some consulting for them from home. J no longer went to daycare and instead I worked during his naps and traded babysitting with another mom. Started weaning him to formula/cup. Took a fun road trip to see one of my best friends. Started working out at the Y. J started swim classes.

February: Husband made dinner for us on Valentines, which was really nice. Went to the annual V-day benefit dinner for local children's hospital and got to hang out with Husband's best friend and Husband's ex-girlfriend, who is married to his best friend. I would link to the post explaining them but for some reason I can't pull it up. It's in the January archives. Spent a lot of time working on a grant for my old pre-baby job.

March: Cleaned out our basement, finally, after it still being filled with boxes from moving 1.5 years earlier (unfortunately, it now needs to be cleaned out again!). Weaned J completely onto formula/bottle.

April: J turned 1; all our family came in town to celebrate. He also started walking, which completely changed my world (and helped me lose the last few baby pounds!). Started taking J with us to Car.dinal baseball games, which was a blast. He's still obsessed with baseball. Took a family trip to Litt.le R.ock for a friends wedding and had lots of fun.

May: Took a family vacation with my family to Bal.timore and had a great time shopping and taking J to the children's museum there. Started J in a parents day out program and stopped trading babysitting. Started a great playgroup with a few other moms (which unfortunately broke apart at the end of summer because everyone's schedules changed).

June: Started working back in the office for my pre-baby job to help out during a staff transition and still kept working my "real" job. Had J in parents day out and had a regular babysitter to make it all happen. That pretty much consumed the entire month.

July: 4th of July - lots of fun taking J to the parade and festival. Kept working two jobs. Started to think I was crazy for doing so. Went to visit my grandmother with J and my parents.

August: Finally cut back on pre-baby job work. Life calmed down a bit. Went with J to spend a few days with a friend and her baby out of town. Husband and I took our first trip alone,without J, and had a wonderful time on the beach. J really starts to show his personality and is talking more, which is a blast. Gave up on straightening my hair and started wearing it wavy.

September: Got rid of the summer babysitter who I ended up hating. Found a wonderful new sitter who has turned out to be really good. J started cussing, which he learned from me. Got to hang out with some friends who I don't see very much.

October: Turned 30. Feel really old when I realize that I can remember when my dad turned 30. Hosted a Bun.ko party. J's second Halloween, but the first time we went trick or treating.

November: My best friend came to visit. Had my first fundraiser for the no.npro.fit I work for - it went really well. Went to Missi.issi.ppi for Thanksgiving and got to run around on the farm for a few days.

December: Christmas with a toddler. I'm still not sure where the entire month went, but it was fun.

Random

2007-12-21T10:50:00.000-08:00

J and I have both been sick this week, so I have not been doing much other than trying to keep up with him. I've had lots of time to think though about all the things I never realized before I had kids and the top one on the list was that I totally took for granted the opportunity to be sick and just lay around. It's awful to be sick and then still have to take care of a very active toddler! It was ok the first few days when J was sick also, because he was sleeping alot or fairly lethargic, so he wasn't demanding too much, but then the past two days have been awful. I still feel really run-down and yet he has felt much better, so I've been trying to keep up with him all the while trying to ignore my horrible headache, body aches, cough, and inability to breathe! I just wanted to crawl under the covers and go to sleep!

I also realized that even 18 months after J was born, I still have not adjusted to him waking me up in the mornings. Our house is pretty small, and so usually when H gets up in the morning, J will hear him and want to get up. I've always been lazy in the mornings - I used to set my alarm clock an hour before I wanted to get up because I loved being able to hit snooze and just curl back up in bed. But now with J, when he's up, I'm up. There's no snooze button to hit and no opportunity to just get out of bed when I want. And I miss that.

I also realized that I just don't feel ready for a second baby yet. Part of it is that our house is so small, there's really not room for another. I also feel like with as much as Husband works, it would be just that much harder for us to have time together if there was a second child. I'm also not sure what I want to do with my work - I don't think I'm ready to not work, but I would like to be able to give the second child as much attention as I did J, and that will be near impossible if I'm still working and keeping up with J. We're planning on having J in preschool this fall - either two or three full days a week - so maybe then when I have more time for work, I'll start to feel more ready to have another baby around.

We're pretty much ready for Christmas - I finally got our cards sent out and most of the presents are done. I just need to pick up a few random things for Husband's family, and since I know what I'm getting each person, it's just a matter of making it out the stores. I've also got to make some treats on Sunday for gifts - I think I'm going to do peppermint bark and dipped pretzels - and then I will also make a casserole for brunch on Sunday and a few side dishes to take for Christmas dinner.

I've been pleasantly surprised with how much J is recognizing about Christmas - he loves the lights and will say "lights" and "Mis-mas" every time he sees Christmas displays. He hated Santa in person, but loves to look at his picture with Santa and say "ho, ho, ho, merry mis-mas!" He also has loved the nativity, and will say "nite-nite baby Jesus" to the manager and point out the sheep, Mary and Joseph who he calls "mommy jesus and daddy jesus", and the angel. Our dog did eat part of J's El.mo ornament, and we are worried that J might have helped, but other than that there haven't been any major mishaps. He hasn't shown much interest in the presents, which is good because they've all managed to stay wrapped and decorated under the tree!

Menu Plan Monday

2007-12-17T09:06:00.000-08:00

Dinners for December 17-23

Monday: Chicken with olives (this is from one of those "make a meal" places - I made it last April and it's been in the freezer since then. I'm not sure if its still good, so we may be improvising at the last minute. J and I also are both sick, so if I don't feel like eating again today, then Husband may be on his own and I'll eat noodle soup again.)

Tuesday: Kielbasa and sauerkraut

Wednesday: fend for yourself (I'll be at a church dinner)

Thursday: something vegetarian (ideas?)

Friday: brisket and cabbage soup

Saturday: leftovers

Thanks to organizing junkie for hosting the Menu Plan Monday!

Sunday: pot roast

Facebook

2007-12-13T12:25:00.001-08:00

So I joined facebook recently (which may account, in part, for my lack of interest in blogging) and although its been fun to reconnect with some random people from my past, I'm really not too sure of the point exactly. Is it kind of a "collect as many 'friends' as you can" game? Or are you supposed to be actually now keeping up with these people, many of whom are folks I haven't talked to in YEARS? And I capitalized that because I now have about 6 facebook friends who are people I went to elementary school with and have not talked with since. It is pretty exciting to come across somebody and realize that you knew them 20 years ago and then think "wow, they are an adult now . . . just like me!" since most of these people are frozen at about age 10 for me. But am I supposed to now send them notes and post on their wall? Or do we just take movie quizzes and say to ourselves "oh, if only we had kept in touch these past 20 years, we could have seen a lot of movies together because we have similar taste!" or "good thing we haven't talked in 20 years - we don't like the same movies!"

I think I'll keep doing it, because it's fun to see all these random people, but I just don't really get the point. Other than it's one more way to waste time.

And if you are on facebook and want to be my "friend", email me at midwesttexan(at)gmail(dot)com. I'll come out of anonymous blogger land for you. :)

Yum

2007-12-12T12:33:00.000-08:00

I'm not hungry.

I just ate lunch. And had a peppermint concrete for dessert.

But this?

This just came in the mail. Well, not really the mail. It came by truck. Along with five boxes of coffee mugs (work gifts), a box of books from my brother for our Christmas gifts, and a box of leapf.rog books that I ordered when they had a huge 70% off sale last week (8 leap pad books for $22!).

And I'm torn between wanting to dig right into all the goodies in the basket and wanting to just leave it be, because it looks so pretty with it's decorative bow and artfully arranged boxes.

Boxes of Godiva chocolate. And smoked salmon. And a little jar of olives. And I think I even see a wheel of cheese. And Lindt truffles.

I love Christmas.

Menu Plan Monday (on Tuesday)

2007-12-04T13:16:00.001-08:00

Our computer was out yesterday, so I'm a day behind, but here it is anyway:

Monday, December 3: Mostaccioli bake (vegetarian) - this turned out really well!

Tuesday, December 4: Soup and grilled sandwiches (tomato soup/grilled ham and cheese for husband; vegetable soup/grilled tuna cheese and tomato for me; chicken noodle/grilled cheese for J)

Wednesday, December 5: Crockpot beef stew

Thursday, December 6: Leftovers

Friday, December 7: Pork roast

Saturday, December 8: Crispy garlic chicken and risotto (I found this through a blog on Menu Plan Monday last week, but unfortunately I did not record the link! My apologies to whoever this came from - I'll look some more and try to update)

Sunday, December 9: Out to eat

Thanks to Organizing Junkie for hosting Menu Plan Monday!

A belated Halloween story

2007-11-29T11:54:00.000-08:00

Since I had taken a bit of a break from posting over the last few weeks, I never had a chance to write out the story of our Halloween. In general, it was a really fun, pleasant night together as a family, but the ending of the night was strange.

We started out the night by driving J around to trick or treat at Husband's family's houses (3 stops), then came back to our house, loaded J up in the red wagon with some beer for Husband and I, and we trick or treated on our street, then walked over to the neighborhood next to ours and went to some friends' houses over there. It was nice to go on our street - there aren't many kids in our neighborhood, so J was the only trick or treater that came down our street and so our neighbors loved having him come by! We live next to this very affluent, nice neighborhood that is all kids (which is where we went after we did our street), and so everyone stays in that area and any kids that do live in our neighborhood go over to that area to trick or treat also. So it was fun to go to our neighbors because they were so excited to have a trick or treater! He got lots of candy at these houses since no one else had come by, but his favorite house was the grandma who was giving out bags of goldfish! I think that's when he realized that everything he was getting was something good to eat! He was so cute walking up to each house with his bag over one arm and holding his baseball bat in the other (he went as a C.ardinals base.ball player).

So after we hit our street, we walked over to the "nice" neighborhood. We walk our dog and J in that neighborhood all the time and so most of the people there recognize us and seem to think we live over there anyway. We have some friends in the area, so we went by their houses, and then went to the house of one of Husband's work colleagues. We had a beer with them and sat on their porch for a little while looking at all the kids while J ran around in the yard. It made Husband and I wish we lived in this neighborhood - it was so fun to see everyone out trick or treating together in groups and everyone talking - but it's probably 10 years down the road before we can afford something there!

After this house, we went by the house of one of Husband's former work colleagues. A little history here - the guy is a jerk. He's been cheat.ing on his wife with another of Husband's former work colleagues as well as at least one of the secretaries that works at Husband's old job. Husband and some of his current colleagues, who all used to work with this guy, talk a lot about him and what he's doing. They've seen him out with his girlfriend and knew for a long while what was going on - way before his wife found out. And when his wife did find out, we all knew about it and heard the story. And his wife is the nicest, kindest person and they also have a toddler-age son. I see her some when I'm out walking in the neighborhood, and she always stops to talk and is very friendly. So we decided to go by their house to trick or treat, especially since their son is about the age of J.

It turned out to be horribly awkward - she was home by herself, since she recently found out about the affairs and her husband moved out, but she invited us in and we all sat there having an awkward conversation while completely avoiding the obvious fact that her husband wasn't there and it was clear we knew why. She's too classy to say anything about her husband leaving or why he wasn't there, but I never before had so strongly understood what it's like to have "an elephant in the room". I can't even really put into words how sad it was to be in her house, watching her with her young son, and knowing the heartbreak she must be feeling.

Husband and I left and were quiet most of the way home. I kept thinking about how we had spent a lot of time gossiping about this family - Husband would come home from work and tell me how someone at the office at seen the guy out with his girlfriend, or how someone else he works with was talking to another colleague at the old office, and he told them that the guy and his girlfriend had been out of town all week together, or that there were rumors that he'd left home and moved in with his parents because they were getting divorced. It seemed like we were just talking about the plot of some awful primetime show. We'd also joke about this guy and what he was doing, making light of the whole situation.

But the whole time we were walking home, I kept thinking how awful this was for his wife, and how it made it so real to be in her house and just feel the pain in the room. I hated that we had been taking their heartache and making it into something entertaining. I told Husband that although I'm sure all the folks at his office would love to hear the details of our visit to their house - how it was true that the guy wasn't living there, but pictures of him were still in the house, and how his wife just seemed devastated - I didn't think he should say a word about it to anyone. He agreed. We haven't talked about this family or the guy since then, and I think that Husband has stopped participating in the talk at the office about this guy.

So that was our Halloween - I've though about it a lot since then, and I hope I remember next time that someone else's heartache should never be entertainment.

Menu Plan Monday

2007-11-26T14:20:00.001-08:00

I have not felt like blogging lately, although I have been enjoying blog-reading! I've found a few new favorites recently, especially Moosh in Indy. As the wife of an attorn.ey, I can really relate to this and this and I love her writing. I think I'll be writing more now - work will be slow until the first of the year, so I'm hoping to get a little more "fun" computer time.

One of the things I'm trying to work on now that I'm not so busy with work is to be more organized and proactive with our meals (although H. wants me to be less structured/organized and more flexible, which should be the topic of my next post!), and so I'm trying to start back up with meal planning. I've always gotten ideas from the Menu Plan Monday on Organizing Junkie, so I'm contributing my list for this week.

Here it is:

Monday: Hamburger cheesy noodles (from a box, with added ground beef); salad for Husband and broccoli for me
Tuesday: Chicken and bacon Alfredo pasta; mixed vegetables
Wednesday: Date night (out to dinner and then to hear the P.o.rn De.bate)
Thursday: Crockpot beef stew
Friday: Leftovers
Saturday: out to a holiday party
Sunday: Husband cooks (although he doesn't know it yet!)

I'm really looking forward to the beef stew, since it is one of Husband's favorite meals and I haven't made it in a while!

I don't know if I've mentioned it on here, but one of my frustrations with cooking (which I love to do) is that Husband has a significantly long list of dislikes - in fact, if it's not steak, bacon, pork steak, potatoes, spinach, or asparagus, he probably doesn't like it. His biggest dislikes are any type of bean or pea, seafood (which he claims to be allergic to), and broccoli. Since those are probably in my top 10 list of favorite foods, it makes cooking very frustrating. But I'm going to try and be a good wife and work around this with some creative meal planning!

Out of commission

2007-10-25T17:00:00.000-07:00

I've been lacking in posts lately - just too much going on off the computer and not enough computer time! I love catching up on everyone else's blogs, and by the time I do that, there isn't anytime left to blog myself! Oh well - after November 3, things will slow down again.

A quick recap -

I celebrated my 30th birthday, so I'm officially out of my twenties. I'm kind of glad to enter a new decade - too much that went on in my twenties that I'm glad to leave behind! (nothing bad, I'm just glad to be settled with my husband and son and no longer in those crazy dating years!)

J and I spent a few days in Te.xas with my family - I can't believe how the shopping in Da.llas just keeps getting better and better. I found a bunch of VERY nice dress shirts for Husband at the Neim.an Mar.cus outlet for $19 each - normally $135 and up!

J has had a horrible case of the runs - we've gone through FIVE outfits today. It's been awful.

He's screaming upstairs right now - probably because the dog ate his banana bread. So I better run and check on things.

more later.

And one more thing for today

2007-10-05T14:49:00.000-07:00

The first part of this article really sounds odd . . . how does ri.ce "esc.ape"?

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/stlouiscitycounty/story/F9E99746BDD0DCE98625736B0077280E?OpenDocument

All of the recent food contamination and toy recalls is starting to make me concerned about what we eat and what J's playing with. I'm toying with the idea of starting our own garden - we don't really have a good space for it, and I tend to kill every plant I've ever had, but my parents were great gardeners and so I'm hoping it's in my genes somewhere and I just have to coax it out.

But rice? I can't grow rice. And hamburgers? I can't butcher my own cows! So even if I do start a garden, it's won't fix everything. And then there's things like this. I don't want to live in fear, but there is so much out there that goes wrong that sometimes I wished we had a little bubble with everything we needed inside.

[I had to go back and edit this to keep the phrase "ric.e es.cape" from showing up on a google search - I made the mistake of telling a "real-life" friend about the article and the phrase r.ice es.cape, and she was going to go look it up! So I didn't want this blog to pop up when she did!]

Angry baby

2007-10-05T14:29:00.000-07:00

I don't think J likes me very much today! He seems bored hanging out with me. Husband has either worked late this week or, the one night he got home earlier, we went out to see some friends and had a babysitter. So J has not seen him much this week and I think he's really antsy for someone other than me! I can't seem to do anything that makes him happy (except finally give in and turn Elmo on tv). When I was making his lunch, he just sat in his chair and screamed. So I took him out, thinking something was wrong, and then he just wanted back in the chair! When I gave him his food, he threw all of it off the tray onto the floor. I looked over at the half-empty bottle of wine from last night and wondered if 3 pm was too early to start drinking?

The One with All the Ex-Girlfriends

2007-10-01T09:29:00.000-07:00

I always loved how Friends episodes were titled - every show started with "The One With" and then had the rest of the title. So when I start to feel like my life should be a sitcom, I like to make up "The One With" titles that describe whatever is going on and then I feel like it's a little funnier. Kind of silly, I know, but it helps. I find myself laughing at myself for the silly title and then everything looks a little brighter.

So the above title encompasses my current feelings that my husband has too many ex-girlfriends that are STILL in our life in some form or fashion. I've mentioned that his best friend (they were best men in each other's weddings) not only dated my husband's ex-girlfriend, but also MARRIED her (who does that? Really? I still can't figure out how this guy missed out on one of the top dating rules of all time - you don't date your friend's leftovers. And you REALLY don't marry them). But anyway, I've worked on moving on from that.

Then there was the ex-girlfriend that tried to beat me up at a bar because she thought she should still be dating Husband. She works down the block from Husband and he sees her on the street, out at restaurants, etc. I haven't run into her recently, but she is still around and runs in some of the same circles we do.

Then at church yesterday, I head outside with J after the service and he starts playing with this other little boy his age. As I look around to see who the boy belongs with, my mother-in-law (we go to the same church as my in-laws), comes out and runs up to this very pregnant woman and gives her a hug and exclaims about how nice it is to see her. I'm still watching the boys, although I say hi to my MIL, until I realize that Husband has come outside also and gone up to this woman to say hi. He gets my attention to introduce me, and it takes me a minute when I hear her name to realize that this is ANOTHER ex-girlfriend of his that he dated for well over a year. They had been friends during high school and then dated in college and both families wanted them to get married because they were just "meant to be". Until she took off for the ea.st coast and he stayed in the mi.dwest. She's in town for another week, which means we'll most likely see them again at church or somewhere else.

So with the exception of one woman, I've now met every single one of his serious ex-girlfriends. I've also met a lot of the woman he just dated casually, and I don't even count those in the list. I'm thinking next time I go up to Chi.cago I should look up this other ex-girlfriend of his just to finish off the list. Either that or bring in all my ex-boyfriends from where they are scattered for a reunion. I think it's about time Husband should have to meet them. It's only fair. :)

Tonight's the night!

2007-09-27T13:35:00.000-07:00

Grey's Anatomy returns! I'm finally going to be getting laundry done around the house again, since the only way I can convince myself to fold laundry and put it away is to watch Grey's Anatomy while I do it. I managed to replace Grey's with Army Wives over most of the summer, but since Army Wives wrapped up about a month ago, I've had a huge stack of laundry just waiting on the return of something worth watching. Husband will be glad to have things back in his dresser and not have to go down to the laundry room and the piles of clean, but not folded and not put away, clothes.

In other news, I interviewed a new babysitter today - she's a pedi.atric nur.se, which is a great plus, and she works 3 12-hour shifts a week, leaving her with 2 weekdays open to babysit. My first impressions of her were pretty good, so I'm hoping her references check out and that she does well with J. I really need someone who can sit during the week, since I often have meetings, etc. at times other than when J is in his paren.ts da.y ou.t program.

Husband is working late tonight, so I'm going to indulge in my favorite, no-need-to-cook, meal: a totino's supreme frozen party pizza. It's about 1.5 million calories for this entire thing, and it has no nutritional value, but I eat and love it! Husband thinks they are disgusting, so I can't cook them when he's around or I have to listen to him criticize my $1 dinner.

J's new word

2007-09-24T09:09:00.001-07:00

I've taught my son a cuss word. I never even realized I said it as much as I did until he starting using it. It's almost funny, because he actually uses it "appropriately". So instead of hearing "uh-oh" when he throws his cup off the tray, it's now "sh*t". I think it's the first word he's said that came out correctly the very first time he said it. Every other word, he had some approximation for it for a few days/weeks until he finally got it - "elm" became "elmo", "ba" became "ball", "da" became "dog" and "dad", "ez" became "cheese" and so on. But sh*t? Came out clear as day first time he said it. And my verbal response when I heard it?

"oh, sh*t"

I didn't even realize I said it. But now I've been noticing that I say it ALL the time. I had hoped Husband wouldn't hear it from J, but then this weekend, J lost his baseball under the couch and couldn't get to it. So he said "sh*t". And Husband turned to me with a shocked look on his face and asked if that word was what he thought it was. And of course it was.

I'm hoping that if we just don't make a big deal out of it (and I stop using it myself!) then he'll forget about it!

Bunko

2007-09-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

First of all, thanks for the supportive comments on my hair - I'm really starting to warm up to wearing it wavy (in fact, it's almost 3 pm and I still haven't put it up in a ponytail today!) and it helps to hear that it doesn't look too bad.

In other news, I am LOVING being a mom of a toddler. At least once a day, if not more, J does something that totally cracks me up - lately it's been his obsession with baseball. Husband put up all his old framed Sa.int L.ouis C.ardina.ls baseball memorabilia on J's walls (his room is primary colors and so the Car.dinal red stuff looks great in there) and also bought J a baseball and glove for his first birthday. He's taught J how to put the glove on and "pitch" (complete with wind-up), and then last week he taught him how to hold the toy plastic bat with both hands and put it up by his head. J now walks around ALL day with the bat and glove and the ball, saying "ba-beeeeeeeee", which is his word for baseball (regular balls are just "ball"). J recognizes the Car.dinals logo everywhere - he went up to a woman at the children's mu.seum last week who had a red Car.dinal and bat on her shirt and, all while yelling "ba-beeeee", touched her bo.ob where the baseball bat was on her shirt before I could get there! Oops. Fortunately, she thought it was funny once I explained that he gets excited whenever he sees something that's Car.dinal baseball and that he was not going after her bo.ob (even though ba-beeeeee does sound like boo.bie!)

Finally, I want to start a Bu.nko group up with some friends. I just learned how to play at my MOP.S group, and I think it'd be fun to do on a regular basis. Any of you have experience with this and suggestions on what would work/what doesn't work?

calling Husband at work

2007-09-18T12:57:00.000-07:00

J's napping right now, and although I am technically "working", I've also been reading the local news headlines. One in particular caught my eye - about a car that hit and critically injured some lunch time diners who were outside at a restaurant that I know Husband frequents for lunch. So just to make sure that it wasn't him that was hit, I called up to his office. He didn't answer his office phone, so I tried his cell, which he did answer but with a really irritated tone of voice. He rudely asked "what do you want" and when I proceeded to tell him why I was calling, he said "no, I'm obviously fine, I'm in my office and I have to go". And then hung up.

So this interaction made me irritated! I don't call him at work all that often - maybe once a week, and then usually only late in the day (around 5:30) to find out when he'll be home for dinner if he hadn't told me already. Obviously, he only answered the phone because he may have though something was wrong and then was irritated when it was something he deemed as me being paranoid and not a real issue.

I would think he would be glad that I cared enough to make sure he hadn't been him that was eating there when the car hit the restaurant! Instead, I think he's thinking that I have nothing better to do than read the newspaper while he's working hard - so I've managed to just further perpetuate his ideas that I do nothing all day. Ugh.

On a more positive note, it finally got cold enough last week for a big pot of chili! I love winter food - stews, crockpot meals, chili, soups, etc. This batch turned out really good and we've been enjoying the leftovers. Here it is, with all the yummy toppings I love on chili (fritos, cheese, sour cream, and green onions):

Amy

2007-09-13T19:26:00.000-07:00

For the past few months, I've been reading Amy Wilhoite's blog. I'm not sure how I first found it, but I'm glad I did as reading her words have provided a light into the life of a faithful and peaceful Christian, even in spite of difficult circumstances.

Amy died this week, and even though I never met her, I have been grateful for the faith she has demonstrated to so many, myself included. She was right around my age, with a son around the same age of J.

Please pray for her family, and especially her husband and son.

Hair

2007-09-13T12:01:00.000-07:00

Has anyone been watching the new extended version of the T.oday show on N.BC? I watched the extra hour for the first time today and found myself enjoying it - it's definitely geared towards the stay-at-home mom (I guess they are the biggest demographic watching tv late morning on a weekday), but I found the segments were surprisingly good. And I was glad that Ann Curry wasn't too involved with it - I don't care for her AT ALL.

Anyway, they did a segment today on how everyone wants what they don't have when it comes to hair style - curly or straight. I've been thinking about this alot, because I have naturally wavy (not curly) hair that I have always blown out straight and then spent 20 minutes with a flat-iron to get it perfectly straight and flat. There was a time in college when I could achieve a pretty decent straight and bouncy look with using those fat hot rollers instead of a flat-iron, but then my hair texture changed or something and the fat rollers didn't work as well, so it was back to the flat iron. So except for the hot rollers and a few days here and there in college and grad school when I just went out with it wet in a ponytail, the blowdryer/flat-iron has been my routine for the past 16 years (wow - that's a really long time! totally unrelated, but the thing about getting older is that it shocks me how long ago I was in high school - it stills feels like it was just a few years ago, but 16 years is a LONG time.).

But lately, I've been rethinking my hair. In part, it's a practical issue - I just don't have the patience or time to spend 40 minutes on my hair - but it's also part of me just wanting to accept my hair the way it is and not fight it. I have wavy hair - not curly, straight, or flat hair - and even though it is thick and frizzy sometimes, it's the way my hair is and what it does. So for the past 6 weeks, I have given up on the flat-iron. I still blow-dry, but only for about 5 minutes and with the diffuser on. I think just let it air-dry and go. It looks pretty good until about 4 pm, when it starts to get really limp and then I pull it up in a ponytail.

But I'm loving the ease of it and the ability to only spend about 10 minutes on my hair. And it's nice to just accept it as it is. Here's a picture of my flat-iron straight hair and a recent picture of it just as it is:

I love how shiny it looks when its straight, but I don't know if its really worth all the effort. I've gotten a few compliments on the air-dried look, but I'm still not sure. Thoughts?

Potty Training and Hawaii

2007-09-01T14:09:00.000-07:00

Two things going on right now -

#1. I've been thinking alot lately about when and how to start potty training J. I've seen a few other folks with kids of similar age talking about this lately, here and here, for example - and J has shown some signs that he's thinking about it. He's very interested in the toilet, in helping when we're on the toilet, he's extremely predictable with his #2 (I know that's such an immature way to refer to it, but I hate any word that can be used to describe it and I feel weird talking about it anyway!), he wakes up dry from naps, and he shows signs when he's got a wet/dirty diaper (although no words for either yet). The friend that we visited with this week was telling me that she's heard that you either train them before 2 or after 3, but not in between. Her sister-in-law trained her boys when they were 18 months old, and said that the only "readiness" indicator was that they were on a predicable schedule for when they went #2. Which J is. So I was thinking that it might be worth trying.

I really don't mind diapers though, and I hate the idea of accidents or making him not want to do it because we push it too soon, and I have NO idea how to even start. I'm sure there are a million books I could read, but I don't know which. I don't even know what kind of potty to get or if we should just teach him on our seat (we have a really small bathroom too, so I don't know where we would keep the potty!). And are you supposed to teach little boys to p.ee standing up or sitting down?

I'm thinking I could just do what I did with sleep training - which was spend way too much money on books, waste time reading them, decide they were all crap, and then just do it more by my own intuition than some published protocol. It worked fairly well - he usually goes down without any problem for nap and bed, although once or twice a week he has trouble falling asleep and/or wakes up during the night. But he general he did really well getting over the "let's wake up and hang out with mom and dad three times a night" stage that lasted from 6 months to 11 months.

Thoughts?

#2. A good friend of mine is in town from Hawaii this week! She came over for lunch today, with another mutual friend of ours and her two kids, and we had a blast. It was so great to catch up with her - she's younger than my other friend and I, and still single, and we always loved living somewhat vicariously through her stories of dating, going out until 3 am, buying yourself clothes or whatever you wanted, and feeling like your life was still a blank slate. I know that when you are in that phase it actually seems more frustrating sometimes than when everything seems more "certain" - marriage, house, kids, etc - but she is someone who really embraces each phase of her life and lives it to the fullest. And so it's neat to hear her talk about how much fun she is having!

Ah, to be young again. :)

Cows say moo and chickens say bawk

2007-08-30T11:27:00.000-07:00

J and I just got back from a few days out of town visiting a friend of mine. She has a 5 month old (who weighs more than J!) and we had a great time together. One of the highlights of the trip was a trip out to a dairy farm to see cows being milked! J loved it and just kept saying "moo" over and over. He got close enough to touch the cows, but mean mom that I am, I wouldn't let him. He also loved the chickens and ran right up to them, then laughed with joy with they all scattered and he could chase them again! All we heard the entire afternoon was "moo" and "bawwwk", which is his chicken noise. There were also three tractors on the farm, which I let him climb on some - the farm was a working farm, however, and there were animal droppings everywhere and so I didn't want to let him explore too much on his own! Unfortunately, I didn't get any pictures because it was so much work trying to chase after him and keep him from climbing through the fence to the cows!

My friend and I also got to go out for coffee one night, just the two of us, as her husband stayed home with the sleeping babies. While we were out, we saw this college student with a great bag, which we both were admiring. The girls at another table next too us were also admiring it, and asked her where it was from - when she said Target, we jumped in the conversation to ask if it was a recent purchase, which it was. The next morning, we got up early and ran out with the babies to Target, where they had two of the bags left! We each got one! I've been using it today and love it - it's big enough to fit J's stuff (diapers, wipes, water cup, change of clothes) and my stuff. And I love that it's not a diaper bag - I was starting to feel too "mom" and really needed a great fall bag that could double as a diaper bag/purse, and this was perfect! Here it is:

It's actually darker than this in real-life. The best part was that it was only $25!

It's good to be back home though - he didn't sleep much on the trip because we were so busy doing fun stuff, and so I'm hoping that he'll take a good nap today and I can get my grant done for work. Good news with work (my real job) - I just found out we received a grant I applied for a few months ago!

Our dog drives me crazy

2007-08-24T12:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Dog,

I spent $15 and ran around with J for 3 hours at the Ch.ildren's Museu.m this morning so that he would come home and take a really long nap this afternoon, giving me at least 3 hours to work on this grant proposal. And then, only an hour into his nap, you had to go crazy because someone was walking down our street. And your barking woke him up. And now he won't go back to sleep.

I'm going to make Husband start taking you to work with him. You're his dog, and I don't like you so much anymore.

On the beach

2007-08-23T18:25:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures from our trip to Ty.bee (Chas - it is the Ty.bee island you are thinking about):

This is Husband (2nd from left) and me (far right) with the really incredible awesome couple from England that we met our first night there. Before I go into more details, I need to digress and point out that I just, for the first time ever, posted a picture of myself and a picture of Husband. If you are looking at this and feeling excited because you realize you know us, and my once anonymous blog is no longer such, then PLEASE leave me a comment and tell me who you are. I don't care if you keep reading, I just want to know if someone who knows us is reading this. Thanks.

Back to the picture - the first night we arrived, we checked into the condo and then took a 3 hour nap! We woke up around 8 pm and walked down the beach to the bar and grill that we hung out at the whole time we were there before. This bar is really laid-back, has the most amazing Caribbean and seafood menu, and serves cheap drinks. We spent a lot of time there on our honeymoon, and specifically found a condo that was walking distance to the bar for this trip! We sat outside on the deck, and while enjoying our fried plantains, homemade salsa, fish tacos, and beer, we started talking to the group of four English folks at the table next to us. The couple in the picture, "RV" and "Engineer", are about our age and had just started a year-long RV t.our across the United States! They quit their jobs back in England, rented out their house, and headed overseas! They started in Ta.mpa, and then Savanna.h and Ty.bee were their next stops. It was so much fun to hear about everything they had planned. We were a bit jealous of their ability to just take off like that, so it was nice to live vicariously through their plans!

We invited them to come see the Savanna.h Sand G.nats minor league baseball team with us on Friday night, and the picture above is the four of us at the game. RV had never seen a baseball game in person before, so it was fun explaining everything to her. We had a few drinks with them back at their RV after the game, and saw them for dinner/beer another night we were there. They'll be coming through our town in the fall, and so we're looking forward to seeing them again.

Here's RV and I with the Savanna.h Sand G.nat:

One of the other fun parts of our trip was the dolphin tour we went on. I managed to get a few shots of the dolphins, although it was hard to do!

There were about 40 of them swimming all around our boat - it was so neat to watch how they move in sync with each other, and a few of them even did flips and tail splashes!

One of the other big highlights was all the great food we ate on the trip! Husband doesn't eat seafood, but I love it, and fortunately he'll tolerate going to seafood restaurants and eating the one non-seafood option on a menu. We pretty much ate at only two places the whole trip: this unbelievably good breakfast place (the chef was one of two that cooked for JFK JR's wedding - he did all the breakfast, brunch, and lunches). We ate there every morning (actually, more early afternoon, since we usually didn't make it out of the condo until at least 11 or 12!) and the food was amazing. My favorite was the mushroom, jack cheese, and sausage omelet with sliced tomatoes, grits, and toast- they make all their own sausage, use extremely fresh produce, and it was delicious! The grits were also so good - I was so happy to be in the South and have grits (with lots of butter) served without even asking for them! You can only find grits in Missouri if you go to Cracker Barrel.

The second place we ate at was the bar and grill I mentioned earlier - I had this dish called Escovitch, which was fried tilapia, red beans/rice, pineapple, and snap peas. I have never eaten such light, flaky tilapia - it was so good that I ordered it two nights in a row! We also ate a lot of the fried plantains and salsa. the last night we were there, I ordered a white chocolate key lime pie that was heavenly. It really made me regret not ordering dessert every other night! I can still taste the tart lime blending with the cool chocolate.

We did eat at one other restaurant, where I ordered the platter of shellfish. A bunch of crab claws and legs, shrimp, mussels, clams, and crawfish. I was a little disappointed, because I should have just ordered crab legs/claws, since everything else I can find pretty easily in Missouri. But it was still good.

So those are the highlights of the trip. Husband and I also just really enjoyed being together and not thinking about work, J, the dog, the house, the cars, the bills, etc. It was nice to just do what we wanted and be on our own schedule (although we did miss J and called home at least twice every day to talk with him and check in on him). The sleeping until 11 and going out for beer every night was great too!

Back from the beach

2007-08-20T12:27:00.000-07:00

Husband and I just got back from 6 days at Ty.bee Beach in Georgia. We loved it - it was our second time there, so we knew all the places we wanted to go and really enjoyed ourselves. Ate some delicious food and got a nice suntan too! It was a wonderful trip, and so nice to have some time with just the two of us. We got really homesick for J though and are happy to be back home! J had a great time with my parents - they went to the pool, the Children's museum, the art museum, the library, out to McDonalds, and all kinds of other fun stuff.

I'm trying to unpack, do laundry, and keep up with three conference calls today (J's PDO program is also on a two week hiatus!), so I will blog more later, and post pictures! I got some great shots of the dolphins from a boat trip we went on. I'm also trying to catch up on my blog reading (thankfully conference calls give a good opportunity for that!) :)

Can you miss someone you never knew?

2007-08-10T14:13:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to blog, for weeks, about my neighbors (now former neighbors). They had a little girl last March, and the mom decided to quit her job to stay home. We ran into them out on walks a few times, and always chatted, but never got together to do anything or made an effort to get to know each other. So we weren't really good friends, and given that, it wasn't a big deal when they moved about 6 weeks ago without us knowing that they were moving. However, after they moved, I found myself missing this woman! Really odd, seeing as I never did anything with her and never really talked much to her! I realized this week though that I, without realizing it, really felt connected to her because when I was home during the day, I could look across the street and see her car outside and know she was home too with her child! Now, I'm the only person on my street that's home during the day - everyone else works - and it's kind of lonely.

And a random question - at what age would you let your newborn be around an older child (toddler age)? We have friends that recently had a new baby and want us to come see their child, but don't want us to bring J. For some reason, I feel like this is an odd request - it's not winter, he's not in daycare, he's not sick, and I'm not going to let him touch the baby or get near it or anything. I'm sure I was like this after J was born, but it seems so silly now to be so overprotective! So help me understand their perspective a little - I've forgotten already what it's like to be a new parent!

*I'm editing this to add that the baby is almost a month old, and HAS been around other kids - they have nieces and nephews that have all been around. I know family is different, but it makes it seem a little more personal that they don't want J there. The other issue is that they don't live close to us and it would require a fairly significant amount of time to go see them. And I don't really want to pay a babysitter for this.

HUGO

2007-08-10T13:46:00.001-07:00

I'm addicted to Diet Coke - that's not new. But my new obsession this summer has been fountain diet cokes from McDonalds. With J hating to go in and out of his carseat, and the time he takes to fight him to get into it, I can't just run into 7-eleven to buy a coke, so the drive-thru at McDonalds has been a lifesaver. I've gone almost every day this summer to order an extra large diet coke, light ice. It's technically the "HUGO" drink, but I just can't bring myself to call it that. What does "HUGO" mean? Does it stand for something? I don't like it when they try to come up with some "buzzword" like that, so I just call it an "extra-large".

Typically this runs me 96 cents - not too bad, but considering how often I go to get one, it's not exactly a bargain when you add it all up. This morning, however, there was a new woman at the payment window, and when I pulled up, she noticed that I had a McDonalds cup already in my console (left over from yesterday), and changed my order to charge me only 53 cents! She said this was the "refill" price. I told her that I didn't want my new drink in my old cup, because it was gross with melted coke-water, and she said that they always put the refills in new cups!

Does that make sense to you? How is that a refill?

I'm not going to argue with cheaper prices, however, so I gladly paid my 53 cents and got my drink (in a clean, new cup). The woman said that anytime you have an old cup in your car, with you, then you can get the refill price.

I'm so glad there was this new woman filling in today, and I'm a little ticked off at my usual payment window woman, because she has never told me about this, even though I have a cup in my console almost every day! I always throw away the cup from the day before at the trash can in the drive-thru, after I get my new coke.

Did you know about the refill option at McDonalds?

The Bread Recipe

2007-08-08T12:30:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in the last post, J is a horrible eater. He's really picky, and has only about 10 foods that he'll eat on a regular basis. He gets really angry when you put new food on his tray and then often refuses to eat anything until you give him one of his three favorite foods - cereal bars, the Gerber animal cookies, or some of this bread. This is becoming a bit of an issue (he didn't gain any weight between his 12 and 15 month appointments) and I have been really grateful that he will actually eat these breads, because it's been a great way to get him to eat more fruits and vegetables.

My mother used to make chocolate zucchini bread for my brother when we were little and tell him it was just chocolate bread, because he refused all vegetables, and so the idea for this came from that. My mom also is a great baker, but tends to make things really healthy by taking out most of the sugar, replacing flour with whole wheat flour, and using applesauce instead of all the oil. So I followed her example and started with one of the quick bread recipes from my wonderful "Better Homes and Garden Cookbook", but modified it significantly (and doubled it) to make it more healthy. I also used a recipe from Cooks.com and from the Mississippi Favorite Sweet Potato Recipe pamphlet for ideas.

Here's the basic recipe I've been using, with comments for what I've been doing to modify it:

3 c. flour (I replace this with about 3/4 cup white, 1 cup whole wheat, and about 1 1/2 cups wheat germ; J likes the breads really moist and dense, and so cutting back on the flour and replacing some with wheat germ makes it like this; you can always add more flour or wheat germ later if it looks too wet)

2 c. sugar (I use only 1/2 cup - you don't miss it at all!)

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

3 beaten eggs

1 c. oil (sometimes I use all the oil, but I have also tried doing 1/2 c. oil and 1/2 c. applesauce - it needs some fat in the bread, so it doesn't work to replace it completely)

2-3 c. of the fruit or vegetable (*more on this below)

Flavorings - depending on which fruit or vegetable I use (*see below)

Sift dry ingredients together (including dry flavorings) in one bowl. In another bowl, combine wet ingredients(including any wet flavorings). Add the fruit or vegetable to the wet ingredients and stir to combine. Slowly add the flour to the wet ingredients, stirring as you go until it is all blended. Pour batter into greased large loaf pans, filling about 3/4 full (makes appx. 2 pans). Bake at 350 degrees for appx. 1 hour (sometimes it has taken longer than this - check by inserting a knife through the middle; if the outside is getting too dark, and the inside still is too wet, cover the top with foil to keep from browning and continue to bake, checking every 10 mins).

We eat one loaf right away (I store in the fridge) and I wrap the other in foil and a ziploc then freeze. It can be defrosted in the fridge.

*Fruit and vegetables - with all the fruits and vegetables, I usually prepare about twice as much as I need, then after preparation, I freeze half in a ziploc for use at a later time - that way I don't have to prep twice. Right now I have bananas, strawberries, sweet potato, carrot, and zucchini all in the freezer waiting to be made into bread! I also never know how much of the fruit/vegetable to use to get 2-3 cups, so this way I can just do a whole bunch, measure out what I need, then measure and freeze the rest of it.

Banana - use ripe bananas and mash them up; I usually use 2-3 cups; doesn't really need anything else for flavor

Sweet potato - Scrub clean with a brush, pat dry and prick with a fork, microwave for 16 -18 minutes (4-6 potatoes) on high (100%). Cut in half and scoop out insides. Mash them up. For flavorings, add 2 tsp vanilla, 2 tsp cinnamon, 2 tsp nutmeg, and 2 tsp allspice (can also use pumpkin pie spice)

Strawberries - can use fresh or frozen. If fresh, clean, de-stem, then puree in blender or food processor (I used our hand blender). If frozen, defrost, then puree. For flavor, use about 1-2 tsp cinnamon

Zucchini - wash, finely shred with skins on (you could peel them if you don't want the skin; I used our food processor to shred); for flavorings, I used 2 tsp cinnamon and 1/2 tsp nutmeg (could also use pumpkin pie spice)

Carrot and pineapple - wash, peel, and finely shred the carrots (again, used the food processor for this); use a whole can of crushed pineapple, with some of the juice (I pureed more with the hand blender so that it was even less chunky; I had to add a little more flour/wheat germ to compensate for the added liquid). For flavorings, I used 2 tsp cinnamon and 2 tsp vanilla.

I'm going to try pumpkin bread this fall, and I think the next bread we do will be apple (using finely shredded peeled apples). I tried blueberry banana bread, but J didn't like the blueberries and picked them out. I may try it again down the road - for that I just used frozen defrosted blueberries, sprinkled with cornstarch to keep them from sinking in the bread, and added it to the banana mixture. I may also try an apple bran bread next - I'll let you know how that turns out!

If you try making the breads, let me know. I apologize that the recipe is so "unofficial" - I really have just been putting in whatever seems right and hopes it turns out ok! Good luck!

One month

2007-07-29T19:02:00.001-07:00

If anyone is still reading, or checking in to see just how long I will go without posting, I'm still here, but am probably not going to start back up posting regularly until next week.

It's been a fun month though! I've always found that when I'm really busy that I have to plan ahead with my time, and I end up getting more done! So in between all the work (yes, I'm still going up to the old job), I've had the opportunity to go for a few runs without the baby or dog (it was wonderful not pushing the stroller and trying to hold on to the dog's leash!), meet up with friends for some fun playdates, bake a lot of breads for J to eat (he's not big on eating, but will eat anything disguised in bread - we've done banana, blueberry, sweet potato, zucchini, and carrot pineapple - I make it with very little sugar, whole wheat flour, and wheat germ so it's really good for him and makes me feel better about his diet of grapes, cheese, and bread. Oh, and cookies. He loves cookies, even more than I do!).

I also discovered that a nearby pool, that has the best toddler area (water swings, slides, teeter-totter, splash and spray area, etc) is open to nonresidents in the mornings for "toddler time" - and its only $4! I had been feeling sorry for J all summer that we didn't live in a neighborhood that had a pool, but about two weeks we discovered this play time and we have been loving the pool!

Husband and I are getting ready for a trip, just the two of us, in three weeks. We're going back to one of the islands where we spent part of our honeymoon, and I'm really looking forward to it. It will be hard to be away from J - I've only spent two nights away from him since he's been born, and we've never both left at the same time - but we really need a vacation together. My parents are coming up to stay with him while we're gone, and I know they'll take good care of him.

anyway, thanks for hanging in there if you've still been checking lately, and I'll be back on a more regular basis soon!

Do you think you could pretend to be me for a few minutes . . .

2007-07-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

and call up my old boss and tell her "nope, sorry I can't keep coming in to your office to work because I have another job - Oh, and I only have my son in childcare 20 hours a week, and if I'm up at your office 20 hours a week, that leaves no time for me to do my REAL job without also chasing a toddler around at the same time!"

I'm really tempted to just complete my own termination paperwork (I handled all the personnel work in the position anyway), call her up, and say "I just fired myself, so I won't be in again".

I was supposed to be done with this job the end of June - but I'm not. It's like an addiction - I can't leave it, even though I really know I should.

Needless to say, it hasn't left much time for anything else, between taking care of J, working up at the old job, and then also keeping up with my real job. Blogging and any personal computer time has taken a back seat.

A woman's got to make a living

2007-06-18T16:31:00.000-07:00

I'm in my final few days of working at my pre-baby job. I've been up there the past few weeks filling in between the time that the interim person left June 1 (she covered for me on maternity leave and then continued covering for me after I (technically) "left" (i.e.., when I went from salaried to consulting)) and the new actual (i.e., non-interim) person started today. I'll be up there some the next few weeks training this person, but it finally looks like it is winding down and I will soon no longer even be consulting for them.

For a little history on the timeline of all this, see below:

Pre-baby: I worked 45-55 hours a week (some weeks much, much more, but this was average) at this job, really enjoyed it, although my boss drove me nuts sometimes and the work sometimes was out of control

Pregnancy: Same hours as above, but with a bigger belly and ankles. I found a trashcan that doubled as a footrest and made it work. I worked until 7 pm the night I went into labor. The two months before I was due, I was up at work 6-7 days a week, 55-65 hours a week, working on two huge projects. One got finished before J was born, the other I was still working on during my maternity leave.

Maternity leave: I work a few hours here and there to finish the project. Once it's done, I don't do anything for work, except check email every once in a while.

Post-maternity leave: I return on a part-time schedule (3 days/week), with the full support of my boss. We start figuring out how to make my full-time job work on a part-time schedule. Two weeks into this, I interview for new (part-time, work from home job in my ideal field that ties much more closely to my long-term goals).

One month post-maternity leave: I am offered and accept dream part-time, work from home, in my career field job. I resign from my other job. My boss was speechless for about 6 minutes after I did so. This was last August.

As compromise, I agree to stay with old job for two more months to help finish a project with an October deadline. I also agree to start new job. One part time job + one part time job = insanity.

September: October deadline gets pushed back to March. Boss nicely asks if I will stay on.

October: J was still not sleeping through the night; I was still not sleeping through the night. Sleep deprived employee = employee who didn't realize that she just agreed to continue at old job for another two months. Oh, and ramp up activities at new job. I wanted to scream. I did scream a few times, in my car.

December: Finally done with regular salaried role at old job. Boss asked if I would stay on and "consult" on project that was pushed back to March. Having had a little more sleep in recent weeks, I agree, but only after indicating that all work would be done from home. Boss isn't in a position to argue; I now have two part-time work from home jobs.

January-March: Finish project, with only a few days up at the office. Enjoy the extra money.

March-June: Nothing from old job. Finally get to start jumping into to "new" job and focus on it.

June: back up part-time, 3 days a week, at old job. Still doing "new" job.

So almost a year after I gave notice, it's finally ending. I think back last August, last December, and even last March, I was a little sad to reach that new stage and transition to my new role with the job. I put a lot of myself into the work for that job, changed alot of things for the better, and had quite a few accomplishments in the job. I feel really proud of what I did in the job, even with it being beyond frustrating at times, and I was having a hard time letting go and moving into this new stage.

Now though, I can't wait for that last day. I can't wait to turn in my termination paperwork. The past few weeks have only reminded me why this job was not my career goal. I also have been shortchanging my new job for the old job, and I want to stop doing that - I need to be able to focus on my real job and make that my priority, or else it won't be around for long! And it's such a great opportunity for me, both professionally and personally (can't argue with working part-time, from home).

So I'm almost done. It's almost time to shelve that part of my life. And I can't wait.

My other blog

2007-06-12T20:29:00.000-07:00

I think I've mentioned on here before that I also maintain a non-anonymous family blog that consists mainly of short stories about J and lots of pictures. I had gotten really behind on updating it, so I've been spending the last few nights trying to go back two months and catch up. I hadn't posted anything on that blog since the Palm Sunday Easter Egg Hunt, so it had been a while. I'm up now to May, so only 6 more weeks to go!

One of the new things I added to this blog a few weeks ago was a sitemeter. I've been checking the sitemeter almost every day, because I wasn't really sure if any of our friends and family were looking at the blog or not (we don't have a lot of "blog-savvy" folks, so no one ever leaves a comment). As it turns out, we do have some faithful family and friends that have been checking it regularly even when I wasn't updating it! For most of the hits I was able to guess who they were, or at least it made sense that they were someone I knew based on their location.

Except for one. We apparently have a very regular blog-visitor on the family blog from Uni.versity of Te.nnesse at Me.mphis, who checks the blog almost every day and, on the days when there is a new post, spends a few minutes looking at it. I initially had no idea who this could be - I asked Husband if he knew of anyone affiliated with this University, and he did not. It was kind of bothering me, because this person was checking the blog on a more regular basis than my mother!

And then it hit me. I do know someone who is there - who actually has a fa.culty position there. And if it's the person I think it is, then I don't know what to make of them reading my family blog. Because this person was the BIGGEST mistake of my life. We dated for a very tumultuous 9 months, and I came to find out that he has some serious personal problems. The guy was crazy. And he brought out the absolute worst in me, and during the time we dated I engaged in some fairly negative behaviors (lots of cheating on this guy with random other guys, lots of drinking, lots of arguing, lots of not-so-good stuff). We finally ended up calling things off (after some very heated, public arguments) and we both moved on. We still have mutual friends, which is why I know where he is now, so it may be that he found the blog through one of them. It's possible also that he found it through just a google blog search of my name. And of course, it's possible it's not him.

But if it is, I want him off my blog. Where's the blog police when you need them?

This is the way I live

2007-06-11T14:04:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite ways to "de-stress" is singing out loud and dancing in my car. And more often than not, the songs that really make me relax and laugh are hip-hop and rap. I think because the image of me, dancing along to hip-hop in my car, with the bass turned up and the windows down, is pretty funny. And it's a riot when someone in the car next to me notices me trying to dance like a hip-hop dancer! The song that I've loved lately, and that I sing with J all the time around the house (remember the Friends episode where Ross and Rachel sing "baby got back" to baby emma to make her laugh?), is Baby Boy Da Prince's The Way I Live.

I love, love, love this song. I almost have the whole thing memorized, and it's a blast to sing with J while we dance around together. It's also a great sing-along-in-the-car song.

Have you heard this song? I was trying to find a link to a clip online, but couldn't. Oh well.

Here's the chorus:
This is the way I live
Lil' Boy still pushin'big wheels
I stack my money, lay low, and chill
Don't need to work hard that's the way I feel, I feel, I
This is the way I live
Lil' Boy still pushin' big wheels
I stack my money, lay low, and chill
Don't need to work hard that's the way I feel, I feel, I
This is the way I live

Fun day and a random question

2007-06-05T19:26:00.000-07:00

We had a blast today! I'm trying to keep all my working during naptime and on MWF, since I now have regular childcare on those days, because it's too hard to work when J is awake and I felt guilty for doing so. So as part of this, I'm trying to make Tuesday and Thursday our days to get out and do some fun activities together. Today we met up with friends at the park to walk (we walked almost 9 miles!), then we let the kids out to play at the playground (they were very antsy after being in their strollers for an hour and a half). The playground had turned on the in-ground sprinklers, which J loved! All the kids were standing around them, laughing and giggling every time one of them shot up in the air! We all were soaked. After this, we went down to the lake and fed the ducks old bread that one of the moms had brought along. I don't think the kids, J included, really liked the ducks that much. And actually, they were kind of scary. There were some cute baby ducks, but most of the ducks were huge, ugly, mean things that were attacking each other for the bread! So we didn't spend much time doing this.

After the park, we went home and J took a good, three hour nap. I got quite a bit of work done, made some yummy breakfast muffins, and relaxed with my lunch while watching "The V.iew". I wasn't sure if I'd like the show as much with Ro.sie gone, because she always made me laugh, but it's actually still pretty entertaining.

J and I met up with another mom and baby at a different park this afternoon - I think by this time, he was a bit tired of being outside! We played on the swings for awhile, but then ended up sitting and talking while the kids ate a snack.

Now, here's my random question - J is going to this new Pa.rent's Day O.ut program, and he still has a little bit of an upset stomach (i.e., dia.rrhea) from the stomach virus that he had last week. Is he still contagious? Should I not take him? If it was daycare, I would still take him, because I know that they have a pretty relaxed policy on sick kids (they can't go if they have a fever, significant cold symptoms, undiagnosed rash, or actively vomiting). But this P.DO program doesn't have a policy on sick kids (that I was provided), so I'm not sure if this is something that they would get upset with me for bringing him with or if it doesn't matter. I get the feeling that they are a little more conservative about stuff like this, since they are more of an "optional" place for kids to go and not really a daycare. Thoughts?

I think part of my uncertainty is that I'm feeling guilty that I'm using the P.DO time to work, when they market it as a place for SAHMs to drop off their kids for a few hours to get a break. But I think if I was a full-time SAHM, then I would feel guilty dropping him off so I could go get a pedicure or something since the teachers are moms who are working and not off getting pedicures!

Since I'm unoriginal today

2007-06-03T16:12:00.001-07:00

We had a long weekend - it kicked off with J puking all over the playground, his carseat on the way home, and his bed (all while Husband was out of town) and its just gone downhill from there. So rather than detail out all the misery, I found this really cool Ipod meme at Musings of a Housewife that I'm going to do:

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense.

NO CHEATING!

How do you feel today? Prone to Wander by Chris Rice (yes, I'd like to wander off to the salon for a pedicure, then my favorite restaurant for dinner and drinks)

What's your outlook on life? The Valley by Sarah Masen (actually, I'm a little more upbeat than being in a valley all the time - there are high points!)

What does your family think of you? We Are Not As Strong As We Think We Are by Rich Mullins (hm, interesting.)

What do your friends think of you? You Look So Young by The Jayhawks (thank you friends)

What do your exes think of you? Never is Enough by Barenaked Ladies (I guess that says it all - I think the same about them!)

How's your love life? It's All Been Done by Barenaked Ladies (I have felt a little bored lately!)

How will your love life be in the future? I'll Miss You Till I Meet You by Dar Williams (but even though I'm bored, I don't plan on meeting anyone new)

Will you get married? Give a Little Bit by Sarah Masen (I am married, so this makes no sense)

Are you good at school? Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight by James Taylor (I was good at school probably because I spent a lot of lonely nights studying!)

Will you be successful? Save it for a Rainy Day by The Jayhawks (We probably should be saving for a raining day or else we will find ourselves unsuccessful!)

What song should they play on your birthday? Middle Man by Jack Johnson (again, this one makes no sense to me)

What song should they play at your graduation? Least Complicated by the Indigo Girls

The Soundtrack of your life? Land of Canaan by the Indigo Girls (this song actually is probably a really good one for my life - it was a constant background song throughout college and grad school and I associate it with some of the biggest decisions I made during those years)

You and your best friends are? Closer to Fine by Indigo Girls (yes, we are. Thank you very much!)

Happy times: Hallelujahs by Chris Rice (all good things come from above)

Sad times: Carolina in My Mind by James Taylor (I posted about this song here - it's the one song from the Greatest Hits CD that really reminds me of that night; funny that it would come up as sad though, because I don't really feel sad about that night)

Every day: Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson (I can't think of anyone who's gone that I think about every day, so again, doesn't make sense!)

For tomorrow: Smash by Goo Goo Dolls(what J does to my picture frames and breakables)

For you: In State by Kathleen Edwards

What does next year have in store for you? Stumbling Through the Dark by The JayHawks (this would better have summed up last year as my first year as a mother! Didn't know what I was doing, and I was up alot during the middle of the night!)

What do you say when life gets too hard? Deep Enough to Dream by Chris Rice (yep, I'm dreaming of a beach in Mexico and unlimited drinks)

What song will you dance to at your wedding? Crash Into Me by Dave Matthews Band (we did play this at our wedding, mainly because my college girlfriends and I love it!)

What do you want as your career? The Wood Song by Indigo Girls (ok, this is a strange title. I have to go listen to this song again)

Your favorite saying: One Man's Problem by The Jayhawks (actually, I do like to say "not my problem" that's close!)

How will you die? Better Things by Dar Williams (because we know that what waits for us in Heaven are definitely "better things")

Most of these turned out a little strange and didn't make sense! Oh well, it was fun to do. I started trying to link to the albums, but that was too much effort. I also realized that for some reason my shuffle picked alot of songs from the same artists. I must have the settings set that way. I do have more diversity in my music than just these artists!

I'm tagging anyone that wants to do this. Just leave a comment so I can read your shuffle picks!

Sometimes I hate trying to come up with a title everytime

2007-05-31T12:21:00.000-07:00

We are settling back in at home after heading to Baltimore this past weekend with my family for the NCAA Men's Lac.rosse Ch.ampionship. It was a lot of fun, and the champion.ship game (D.uke vs. Joh.ns Hop.kins) was really good. We also saw a Baltmore Ori.oles game, took J to the children's museum (didn't make it to the aquarium as it was packed), hit Filen.e's Base.ment THREE times, and stayed at an awesome hotel right on the I.nner Harbor. We went with my parents and two brothers, as they are all huge lac.rosse fans. I really enjoy watching the games too, and played some back in high school, so it's fun to see a game every once in a while now that no one in my family is playing anymore.

It was crazy traveling with a 13-month old though! He didn't sleep in the plane on the way there and was wiggling all over the place. It was hard trying to fit in naps and meals on a regular schedule while trying to do things around town. J loved the hotel room though! We had a huge room with a wall of windows that looked right onto the harbor and all the boats and downtown area. He would just hang out at the window, bouncing up and down and making happy noises. He also loved the floor length mirrors in the room!

He did sleep on the flight home, but only after poo.ping all over his carseat in the middle of the flight. It was such a mess that Husband and I were just laughing at the absurdity of it. We got it cleaned up, with only one wet wipe to spare, and as soon as he was back in his car seat, he went right to sleep.

Husband is out of town the next two days, so J and I are on our own. I don't mind it too much, because it's kind of nice to just have my own routine. J also goes to daycare tomorrow so I can work, so I'll have some focused child-free time then to get stuff done.

I had hoped to go to the park this afternoon, but it's started raining. Maybe we'll go to the children's museum here; I've been wanting to do that for a while.

Is he doing this on purpose?

2007-05-24T13:47:00.000-07:00

***Warning**** this is a really gross story.

J has had a bit of an "issue" lately that involves the following:

a highchair
poop
curious toddler hands and feet
a dog that's not afraid to eat anything

It pretty much goes in that order: We put him in the highchair for lunch or dinner, he's eating, everything is going along just fine. We step out of the room for whatever reason and come back to find poop on his hands & feet, all over the bottom of the highchair seat and on the footrest, and the dog standing there helping to clean it all up!

I don't know if it's the diapers we're using or the way he sits in the highchair, but the poop just tends to shoot straight out his shorts and onto everything. This has happened 4 times now! I guess out of all the meals he eats, that's a pretty small percentage of occurrence, but it's still gross!

And I hate cleaning it up - I'm actually procrastinating doing so right now. I got him bathed and cleaned up, and I sprayed down the highchair with clorox, but I need to go back up and wipe it down and wash the seat cover. Does anyone else's child do this or is is just mine?

lions, and tigers, and bears, OH MY!

2007-05-21T21:07:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know what that line is from? The one I have as my title? It's been stuck in my head for days and I can't figure out what movie or story it's from. Help!

I could probably google it, but I figure one of you will know what it's from!

Work has been crazy busy lately, and even more so because I haven't had any childcare for J the past two weeks (I stopped trading babysitting with the other mom). I've been reading a few of your blogs here and there for a mental break from work, but I haven't the time to comment much or write here. Things will stay busy for the next two weeks until J starts parents da.y o.ut - and I've also decided to put him into daycare for a full day on Frid.ays., starting in June. So I will no longer be trying to do all my work late at night or during naps.

I'm also increasing his childcare time because it looks like I'm going to go back into the office at my old, pre-baby job to help out since the interim person that took my job there is leaving J.une 1 and they still haven't hired someone permanent to replace me. So I'll do that about 8-12 hours a week, and then keep up with my other job also. So I'm gearing up for a busy few weeks. I'm kind of looking forward to going back into the office - social interaction, uninterrupted computer time, coffee breaks, and the feeling that I'm actually accomplishing something instead of how I feel with my new job which I don't feel as competent at.

Actually, I've been thinking alot about my old job and wondering if I should go back. But I think I would only be happy for about two weeks, and then I'd remember everything I hated about the job, not to mention that I don't want to work 50-60 hours a week and have J at daycare all the time instead of us getting to go to the park, on walks, to the library, or just hanging out together at home.

And as much as I like social interaction, a good paying job, coffee breaks, and a sense of professional accomplishment, nothing can compete with this:

And he's a great help now that he's figured out how to use the copier:

Husband didn't understand/believe why I couldn't get any work done when J was awake until I showed him this picture:

J has also figured out how to climb up onto my desk, where he grabs the phone and holds it to his head/ear while saying "heya, heya, heya". Then he throws all my papers onto the floor, and attempts to grab the computer monitor. All while I'm trying to work! It's so funny and cute that I can't help but laugh, stop working, and play with him. Very efficient. :)

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-14T19:00:00.000-07:00

I'm a day late, but Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there! I hope you had a wonderful day.

We had a great day here - Husband and J let me sleep in until 9:30, then woke me up with coffee, lilies, and a gift card to the spa I love. We went to mass and brunch with my in-laws, then came home and Husband worked in the yard while I read a book. He put together a new window box for me - it turned out really nice, with little red, white, and yellow flowers that go up and a few white flowers that come down over the front.

Oops, I thought J was asleep, but I hear him screaming now - I'd better go check on him.

The white J.eep

2007-05-10T13:06:00.000-07:00

Husband called today to tell me that he heard from his family member that works at a local car dealership. They knew that my J.eep was getting up there in mileage and that we had been talking about looking for another one soon, and they had just gotten in a used 2007 J.eep Grand Cherok.ee with almost no miles on it, and they were willing to sell it to us for very, very cheap. The previous owner apparently had bought it for his wife, who decided after only a week or two that she hated the color. So he exchanged it for a new color. The color? It's white.

First, my apologies for what I'm about to say to anyone who drives a white vehicle.

I hate white cars (and SUVs and trucks). I didn't always - my first car was actually a white P.ontiac Sun.bird that I LOVED. But then I got a dark green car, and then a dark silver car, and then a dark blue J.eep (my current vehicle). And in between all that I dated a guy that drove a white truck, and another guy that drove a white car, and both relationships did not end up happy. And you see where this is going?

Something about white vehicles just doesn't feel right to me anymore. I can't explain it - I can't even put it into words. I just feel it in my gut that I don't like them and I don't want to drive one for the next 5+ years.

But it's cheap. Really, really cheap. And its practically new. With almost no miles on it. We wouldn't be able to afford a new SUV otherwise. And it has the new J.eep body style and LATCH for the carseat. And did I mention it's practically new? Oh, and cheap?

I'm supposed to go up there Monday and take it for the day to drive around. I think they know that will make me want it. So this weekend, I'm going to try and get over this hatred of white cars that I have. I really, really want to like this white J.eep.

Make me happy

2007-05-09T06:35:00.000-07:00

It's pretty easy to make me happy - I may complain alot, but there are some very simple things that make me smile. This sign, for example:

and I'm sure you're thinking: "there's a Starbucks going on on every corner in every town, so what's the big deal?"

Well, this sign is WALKING distance to my house. I can now take J and our handy jogging stroller with cupholders for a jog and end up with my favorite thing in the world - a decaf grande nonfat sugar-free vanilla latte (if it's fall/winter) or a decaf grande nonfat iced latte (spring/summer). I don't know why I like the hot drink with vanilla flavoring and not the iced version, but that's just the way I do it.

And even better is that less than a mile from my house, in the other direction, we have been promised a drive-thru Starbucks! The sign's not up there yet, so I'm still hoping that this isn't just a rumor going around town, exciting all the the coffee fanatics who, like me, think it's ok to spend the cost of lunch on a drink.

I do limit my consumption to only once, sometimes twice, a week, which is easier now that I don't go into the office every day (when I did work at an office, I was easily getting 1-2 drinks EVERY day, since I had a Starbucks walking distance to my office). I also limit it by only allowing myself to pay with a gift card, which my wonderful mother often loads up for me for my birthday and Christmas.

However, I am now feeling a little guilty about my choice of drink - I had been planning on doing this post for a while (I took the picture about two weeks ago), but just didn't get around to finishing it until today. And then this morning, I saw this post. I am offended and surprised by this "cup message", but I don't know if it will keep me from my new Starbucks. I am thinking about writing a letter to Starbucks to indicate my displeasure with their choice of quote. Maybe they will send free drink vouchers to anyone that was offended to keep them as a customer. :)

Suck it in

2007-05-07T10:52:00.000-07:00

Do other women walk around all day sucking in their stomach and abs?

I have been feeling really frustrated with the lack of progress in getting this area of my body in shape. Pre-baby, I always had a little bit of a "pooch", and it's only been worse since having J. It makes me really self-conscious in certain clothes, because I feel like my baby fat is rolling over the top of my pants. And I fit in all my pre-baby clothes, but I really am having a hard time feeling good about myself because of this. I told Husband that when I'm done having kids, I want lip.o-diss.olve, and I'm only kind of kidding when I say that.

I was looking around today and felt like every woman I noticed had a flat belly, even those with 3 or 4 kids running around with her! And I realized that if I stand up straight, throw my shoulders back, and suck in my gut, then I look like I have a flat stomach also! So is this what I have to do all the time - practically hold my breath to hide the baby fat? It's really uncomfortable.

that was my favorite part of being pregnant - not having to feel self-conscious about my stomach. But I guess I can't be pregnant for the rest of my life just to deal with it.

National Day of Prayer

2007-04-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

This Thursday, May 3rd, is National Day of Prayer. When I was in high school, I used to participate in a number of events for this - a huge group of students would all gather around the flagpole in a huge circle and pray, our church youth group would always hold an afternoon prayer event, and because my mother usually assisted with coordinating the event with our church and city, I would also participate in the city event. In college, there was a very small group that got together - I went my first year, but then never quite made it back after that. And since finishing college and graduate school, I have always noticed the signs for the events but have never made it to something.

So this year I want to do something. And I've been thinking about prayer a lot lately and how to better find time for it instead of just having a few minutes here and there when I pray. I've also been trying to work on praying not just for myself and my family, but for my friends and those around me.

So to "celebrate" National Day of Prayer, I want to pray for you this week, and especially on Thursday. And I want to encourage each of us to pray for each other. Here's how:

1. Create a post on your blog that mentions the National Day of Prayer and links back to this post. In your post, also include your prayer requests.

2. Sign the Mr. Linky, linking back to your post on your blog.

3. Pray for the person above you on the Mr. Linky (visit their post, and sign their comments to let them know you are praying for them).

I'll pray for each of you, and for whoever signs under me, here are my prayer requests:

~ We really need to find a church home
~ I want to develop more friendships with other Christian women, who are open to talking about their faith and helping each other grow in their relationship with Christ.

Three days

2007-04-27T15:12:00.000-07:00

That's how long J's leftover birthday cake lasted in the deep freezer before I just had to have another slice. I don't know why I even bothered freezing it!

Yum, I love whipped cream frosting.

how times change

2007-04-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

My family all came in for J.'s* birthday, and my mom stayed on for a few days after everyone else left. It was so fun having her here - we tend to be a little argumentative and spirited with each other, but it's just the way we interact, especially when we are together in person. It drives Husband nutty, but he's used to it by now. We spent most of her time here cooking - I love to have her come and make all my favorite foods! She also likes to make things for Husband, and I enjoy that too because it's nice to have some of his favorites without much effort on my part. I also took advantage of her being here to watch J. and got a lot of work done, as well as a pedicure one day and a massage another day! I even took a nap one afternoon, which I felt a little guilty about, since Husband was at work and obviously not napping, but I really needed the rest. And I don't feel too guilty anymore, because Husband went to the baseball game yesterday afternoon during the work day and he's playing golf with clients this afternoon.

Anyway, one thing that really strikes me as funny is how different my mom's attitude is towards all the "stay-at-home" mom tasks and my attitude. She dropped out of college when I was born, and then didn't go back until after my brothers and I were all in high school (and congrats to her - she's graduating next week with her masters degree!). Her twenties, thirties, and most of her forties were focused solely on my dad, me, my brothers, and our home. That was it. That was her life. She did work some during this time, but always for places like our mothers-day-out programs and church nursery school. I have great memories though of her playing with us all afternoon, making us lunch, taking us to the pool, and going on fun trips with her and all the other SAHM and their kids.

I digress for a minute - I think that was one of the big things that made it easier to stay at home when she was raising kids - more moms were home, and she always had a group of women and kids to get together with and do things. There were more opportunities for social interaction because there were more women who were in similar positions. Now, there are other moms staying home, but so many of us are combining that with part-time work that it's a different dynamic. This is probably a whole other post.

Okay, back to my original train-of-thought: I kept noticing this week how my mom really has a different attitude than I do about what a wife/mom's role should be. She was really concerned one night when we didn't have dinner ready and on the table when Husband got home. She kept apologizing to him, and to me, that we had gotten caught up doing other things and dinner wasn't ready! This has never been something I've been concerned about - I typically have dinner at least underway by the time he gets home, but it's rarely done and never on the table! And there are many nights when he gets home and I haven't even thought about dinner, so we end up just eating leftovers or frozen pizza or going out. I think that as a SAHM, my mom would really consider that a complete oversight and "job" failure on her part!

Another thing she would do - around 6, shortly before Husband was due home, she'd also start making sure J. was in a clean diaper, and the house was picked up, and everyone was showered and dressed and presentable. I do usually make sure the house is cleaned up before Husband gets home, but sometimes I'll let J. just hang out in a dirty diaper if I know Husband is almost home because then he can change it! I realized that Husband and I really do operate more on a "equal" level with a lot of the tasks around the house that my mom was entirely responsible for since I do work part-time and since there is more of an expectation today, in general, that husbands shoulder some of the household responsibility.

I'm going to try a little more to do things my mom's way, at least to the extent that I can while also working, because I do see the value in letting Husband come home and relax and have everything be calm and under control. But I'm also realistic enough to know that I wouldn't be happy doing things exactly like my mom did/does.

*yes, I'm back to calling him J. Using his nicknames just wasn't working for me. I may start using his real name, but I'm still thinking about that. Until then, it's J. Unless I come up with something better. And I'm open to suggestions.

Here comes the stork!

2007-04-25T10:02:00.000-07:00

But not to my house quite yet, thank goodness!

One of the moms in J.'s group of friends has announced her pregnancy. This is the first pregnancy out of our cohort of mom's that all had babies February-May of 2006. When she told me, my first thought was that the two babies would be so close together in age! But then as she kept talking, I realized that they actually would be almost TWO years apart! And that this gap is pretty typical and seems to be one of the average age differences between siblings. So it seems like this is probably just the first announcement of many to come in the next few months.

I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around having another baby right now - I still feel like I'm catching up on sleep - J. really only started sleeping through the night about 2 months ago, and he stills occasionally wakes up around 4:30 or 5 and needs us to help get him back to sleep. I also just now feel like we have a routine and a schedule and that I know what I'm doing. I loved being pregnant and loved all my time with J. as a baby, but I'm still really just enjoying being Husband, me, and J.

I was talking with my mom about this, who has been in town this week, and she reminded me that when I was the age J. is now, she was already 4 months pregnant with my brother! I've heard people say that pregnancy goes so much faster the second time around, but I still couldn't imagine dealing with the exhaustion, nausea, and general sickness that I felt during the first trimester and be chasing after an active toddler at the same time.

I'm wondering if I will start to feel more of an urge for a second baby as more and more of our friends become pregnant with their second, but for right now I'm pretty content with how things are and with our plans to wait 3-4 years between J. and the next baby. I do see a lot of advantages to having them close together, however, and so part of me is not so sure. Those of you with more than one child, have you been happy with the gap between their ages? Would you recommend having them close together or spacing them out?

Happy Birthday to my baby boy!

2007-04-19T19:42:00.000-07:00

J. turned ONE today.

At 1:37 pm on April 19, 2006 this is what we saw:

And today, at 1:37 pm on April 19, 2007:

Wow. I'm going to write more about his day, but we're all exhausted and the fun is only starting as we have family coming in town tomorrow for his party Saturday night. Today we just celebrated with the three of us, but Saturday night we'll have all the family there.

And as a great birthday present to Husband and I, J. took his first steps today! It was especially good because Husband was home and also got to see it right when it happened. He has been so close for weeks, and I love that it finally happened on his birthday - I should have gotten him an Elmo balloon and beach ball before, because he was so excited about them that he didn't think to sit down and crawl but instead just wobbled straight towards them!

It's been a good year.

Give a little.

2007-04-18T08:10:00.000-07:00

I can't post today without commenting on the events going on at Virginia Tech. The pain and grief being felt by these students, the families of those who were killed, and the community there is immeasurable. I can't even begin to imagine what this must be like for them. Having a child changes how you feel about these events. That is someone - 33 someone's - child who was killed. And in many situations, it was someone's parent, leaving behind children who now must figure out how to cope with a grief that many adults wouldn't even know how to handle.

I also want to mention to you someone that has been on my heart and in my prayers recently - Heather. Please visit her and read her story. And if you are so inclined, BooMama is hosting a love offering for Heather today to support her and her family.

And finally, I mentioned a few posts ago about a professor that I had who was in the final stages of cancer. She passed away on Sunday - we rejoice that she is fully healed, but our human hearts hurt for her family and for the loss of an truly amazing woman.

Please, for each of them, please pray.

Ugh.

2007-04-17T17:10:00.000-07:00

I added a site meter to my blog, and it's addictive - I've gotten on at least 4 times today to check my stats. Imagine my surprise when I see my first referral from a G.oogle search - and the search phrase was "nick.name t.rout".

This wouldn't panic me except that we were talking this weekend with people about our nick.name for T.rout, and also I told one of my friends that I have an anonymous blog. I'm sure it wasn't her that was looking for it, but it still makes me nervous.

So I'm changing what I call J./T.rout on the blog (again). Hopefully this will be the last time.

His new n.ickname? Panda. This is what we called him when I was pregnant, because we didn't know if it was a boy or girl. Actually, we called him the "baby p.anda".

I don't really remember how this got started, other than it had something to do with halloween, Husband wanting me to dress up like a panda, and one of the houses we looked at when we were house-hunting having a backyard full of bamboo.

road trip

2007-04-16T10:56:00.000-07:00

Husband, Trout, and I drove to L.ittle R.ock this weekend for a friend's wedding. Other than Texas, this is where I always thought I'd end up. In fact, there was a time where it was much more likely and certain that I would move back to LR and not Texas. But things change. You meet someone in a bar who's from Missouri, who's family is in Missouri, who's job is in Missouri. And all of a sudden, LR isn't where you call home and most likely never will be.

I'm fond of this town. And of Arkansas. I lived in Arkansas for four years while I was in college, and spent two of the summers living/working in LR. I also spent alot of time going out in LR (we lived only 30 minutes away in college) and I worked at an internship in LR during three years of college - so I was there a lot. I've been back to visit quite a bit - not so much in the last few years unless we've had a wedding or party of some other event, but before I met Husband, I was going back to LR on a fairly regular basis to see my college friends, my then-boyfriend (who later became my ex-boyfriend), and just to get back to a place that felt like home.

It still feels like home - as we drive into the city, I almost feel myself getting lighter. My mind clears, and I feel so happy seeing all these places that are mine. I think that's why I love LR and Texas so much - in a sense, everything there belongs to me. Here, in StL, there is very little that is just me. It's all either Husband's, because he grew up here, or ours, because I've only been here with him. It's his memories that are around us all the time - his friends, his stories, his old hangouts, his ex-girlfriends, his town. Or it's our memories - our first date, our first house, our town.

But I go back to LR, and it's my friends, my memories, my old job, my old apartment, my old hang-outs, my favorite restaurants. It's the places I went when I was trying to figure out who I was, what I wanted to do, and who I wanted to be with. It's the places that somehow contributed to me ending up where I am now - in a life I very much like - and thus places that have significant importance and nostalgia for me. And sometimes, when I get caught up in a rut of being me now, I long for the time when things were less serious, has less depending on them, and when I was more free. And I miss the people that know my stories and know how I got to where I am. These people are the ones that know how much I love and value and treasure my current life, not because I tell them or because I act like it everyday, but because they saw me before and knew what it took to get here. I don't have to explain things to them - and they don't to me. I know their stories too.

We drive by the minor league baseball stadium and I remember the night I went there with friends for a game, and I was walking to get beer and hear my name called out. I turn around, and my college boyfriend, who I dated for two years, was sitting there on a date. We had only broken up a few months earlier (and it was hard), and I'd only seen him once or twice since then, and seeing him then, on a date, just left me speechless and frozen - I couldn't move. I don't know how long I stood there, until all of a sudden, one of my guy friends came running up to me, threw his arms around me, and proceeded to drag me a way, all the while holding my hand and making it look very much like we were together. For some reason, that was the turning point where I got back on with my life after our breakup - I realized in those moments standing there that I didn't like this guy, didn't like what he did to me, didn't like how he made me feel, didn't like how he had monopolized me when we were together, and that I much more enjoyed being with my friends and being myself. And after that, I knew I would never again give a guy so much power over me - that I would never again ignore my friends for a guy, or ignore myself for a guy. Especially not a guy that was so wrong for me.

We pass by the hospital where I spent most of my college free time and summers working - this is the place that introduced me to research, and more specifically, research with children who had chronic illnesses. This would become my passion and led me to graduate school. Even thought I eventually left my graduate program, I will always be in a field where I am able to work with children who have chronic medical and psychological disorders. I will always be involved with my local Children's Hos.pital, in some way, and research will always be my passion and my way of explaining the world and looking for answers. I owe all this to the time I spent at the hospital in LR and the people that mentored me there.

We drive towards our hotel, and in doing so, pass the area where my ex-boyfriend lived (the one I dated my senior year of college and my first year of grad school, plus some on and off time after that). I see his old apartments through the trees, and I remember the night, shortly before I left for grad school, where he made me dinner - nothing fancy about the dinner, although I could still tell you everything we ate and I can still remember how good it tasted - but we sat outside on his porch overlooking the trees, with a cd playing in his apartment - James Taylor Greatest Hits - and I remember feeling so peaceful, so happy, so complete. But at the same time - it was so bittersweet. We only had a few more weeks together, and I knew then that this was not the right guy for me, that even if we had good intentions for what would happen to our relationship after I left town, we were not going to last. He didn't want to make the sacrifices it would take for us to keep going, and although I wished I could be the kind of woman that would throw everything out the window for love, I just couldn't for him. We tried our best, but it just didn't happen. Eventually, a few years later, I would make similar sacrifices for another guy, but this guy was the right guy (and he did become my husband) and he was willing to make sacrifices for me and to choose me first. And the reason I knew that the man who would become my husband was the right guy to make those sacrifices for was because of that night on the porch- I was so in love and felt so loved and so enjoyed being with my now-ex-boyfriend, but it still wasn't everything. And I think that's how I knew when I did find the right one.

Many, many of my memories in this town are related to this guy. I could go on and on with stories and good thoughts of the time we had together and the things we did together. And when I'm back in LR, I do often think about him and remember what our life was like together. He expanded my horizons and gave me so much - he introduced me to foods I had never thought to eat and now love (sushi), he introduced me to some of the music and artists that I couldn't have made it through the last few years without (Lucinda Williams, James Taylor, Tara MacLean, Charlie Mars Band, Eva Cassidy), he taught me how to relax and remember to take time to just do nothing, he gave me my first cat, he forced me to learn football and the ins and outs of the game - which resulted in me becoming a great fantasy football player, and later, after we broke up, it was his memory and the trying to forget him that led me to run my first (and only) marathon. There's so much more - too much to write down - but it all comes back to me when I'm in LR. And I love remembering all this - not so much because I miss this guy and want to be with him - but rather because I love the person I am now because of all these experiences. And I love that it is this person that attracted my husband and brought him to me. So I am very, very grateful.

I usually take some time on the drive home to remember some of the things that went wrong with this guy, and why we aren't still together, because otherwise I think it would be too easy to "romanticize" the memories of him and think that it was all just so wonderful. And there are lots of good reasons why we aren't together and why he wasn't the right one for me, but even in remembering those stories, I see pieces of who I've become.

And then we get back home - to the place that may not have my past or all my stories - but does have the hope of what will come. And there are so many good memories here, too. But every so often it is good for my soul to remember how I got here.

I have to start shopping at Wal.mart

2007-04-13T12:56:00.000-07:00

I think I need to give up my Tar.get addiction. I'm going broke. I can't go in there and not spend over $200. I had a list today of only 6 items; I left with a cartful of stuff and spent way too much money. I just can't help myself - some of what I end up getting that's not on my list is stuff we do actually NEED at some point, just not right now (like a big thing of paper towels that's on sale, or soap, or other essentials that I stock up on). But do I really need three things of paper towels stored in my basement? No. And then there's all the things I buy that I don't need - like the cute little cashmere t-shirt (only $30!) or the stylish black sandals that would have been $60+ anywhere else. Oh, and I ended up buying all kinds of finger food and baby food for Trout - they had a bunch of new stuff from Gerber - and even though we're well-stocked, I bought about two bags full of more food.

I never shopped like this at Tar.get until about my 32nd week of pregnancy, when my nesting instinct emerged - and it wasn't an urge to clean house or redecorate - instead, I went to Tar.get 2, 3 times a week and stocked up on every possible thing I thought we might need once the baby arrived. This is why we ended up with 16 boxes of gauze squares that we never used. And this continued once he was born, and I just can't stop! Help!

I'm addicted to Tar.get. There should be a self-help group for this.

all kinds of things

2007-04-12T09:48:00.000-07:00

There's a lot going on right now, as we're trying to head out of town tomorrow, so I'm just going to make this a random post of everything that's on my mind right now:

1. I decided that I'm switching around what I use to refer to my husband and baby because I keep slipping and find myself writing out their real names - instead of J. for the baby, I'm going to start using his actual nickname "T.rout", and for my husband, I'm also going to use his actual nickname, which is "Husband". Real original, I know. But this really is what my nickname for him is - and he refers to me as "Wife". This started when we got engaged, and we were so excited about being engaged and getting married that we referred to each other as "Fiance" all the time. So obviously when we got married, we couldn't use that nickname anymore, so it evolved into "Husband" and "Wife". It makes our friends and families laugh to hear us talking to each other because we really use it all the time and we use it both as a term of affection and then when we're irritated with each other, we use it more sarcastically. It works for us! And as far as the baby's nickname, we always thought we'd call him "Baby" as his nickname (given the whole "Husband" and "Wife" theme), but then shortly after he was born Husband was working on a case that involved a t.rout f.arm. We talked about trout all the time because of this, and at the same time, J. was nursing and would make a fish face whenever he wanted to nurse - so it was a natural extension to call him "T.rout".

Bottom line of all this - instead of J. and H., it's now T.rout and Husband. Should be easier for me to keep track of when I'm writing.

2. I really, really like our new playgroup. We switched days, because there were too many "big" kids (i.e., 2 year olds) in the Monday group and I worried too much about them running into T.rout and hitting him, etc. (which happened almost every playgroup). We go on Thursdays now, and it's a calmer group, with parents that actually keep an eye on their kids during the playtime. T.rout loves it - especially when I let him sit at the table with all the big kids and practice drinking out of a regular cup.

3. A professor I had in college, who I really admired, is sick with cancer and recently was moved into hospice care. They've given her 2 weeks to 2 months. She is an amazing woman, who effortlessly (or so it seemed) was able to balance her life as a mother, wife, friend, and professor with grace and beauty. She provided such an image of what it means to be a faithful Christian in all these roles, and did so with such encouragement and love for everyone that came in contact with her. She has three young kids; I can't imagine what this must be like for them and for her. And it's hard to imagine why it would be her time to leave this physical world - she has touched so many lives (it's amazing to read all the tributes that have been posted to her on her CaringBridge site) and I can't understand why she wouldn't be given the opportunity to continue to do so. But as one of my friends, who also knew her, said about the situation "I still trust God even when I don't understand Him, but please, Lord, help my unbelief." It is hard to know she will be gone soon, but she will be healed and we will see her again.

4. We leave tomorrow for a trip this weekend to L.ittle R.ock for one of my college friend's wedding and for my college reunion - we actually aren't really going to any of the reunion events, because most of it is on Saturday, which is when the wedding will be, but we are going to go up to campus Sunday afternoon to eat lunch and walk around. They've done a lot of new construction, so I'm excited to see what it looks like. And I'm really excited to see my college friends - only a few of them have seen T.rout since he was born, so it will be fun to have them meet him. And a few of them are pregnant with their first kids, so I can't wait to see them pregnant! I also love going back to LR as I get to eat at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants!

5. My car is in the shop for repairs (and I'm hoping it will be done today so I can get it cleaned before we leave town tomorrow) and I have a rental - a big, silver Dodge Caravan. I don't think I'm the minivan type. I feel silly driving it; like I'm playing "dress-up" and pretending to be a mom. Oh well. At least it's only (hopefully) for a few more hours and then I get my Jeep back!

Notice anything different?

2007-04-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

Many thanks to Splat Designs for the new look! I'm really happy with how it turned out, and Lindsay was really easy to work with and did a great job taking my thoughts and putting life into them!

I need to update my blogroll links, so hopefully will get to that soon.

Elmo

2007-04-10T08:32:00.000-07:00

Have your kids discovered Elmo yet? J. received a big, three foot tall Elmo as a shower gift before he was born, and we never realized how much he liked it until we were out shopping one day and he grabbed a stuffed Elmo off the shelf and screamed every time I tried to take it from him. So we bought the Elmo, and he loves both the "mama Elmo" and the "baby Elmo" and will even put his pacifier in baby Elmo's mouth when we tell him to! We've also started watching the Elmo segments on Sesame Street, and for Easter, J. received his first Elmo DVD, which he's fixated on right now.

Unfortunately, in every Elmo segment, Elmo sings a song about whatever he was talking about for that show. And it's not a good song - it's just one word, sung over and over to the same tune. So now I have "ears, ears, ears, ears . . ." stuck in my head.

This isn't quite as bad as the firetruck toy I just got J. - it sings whenever you push down on the fireman, but all it says is "up and down, down and up" over and over. So this is also stuck in my head.

Someone needs to create baby toys that play real songs.

How I made money while shopping today

2007-04-09T19:57:00.000-07:00

I went shopping Saturday night to look for something to wear for a wedding we are going to this weekend. I tried on a dress at A.nn T.aylor that I really liked; the only problem was that the store didn't have my size. Here's the dress:

So they called around for me and found one that was the correct size at another mall -I couldn't get over there that night, so I ended up buying one in a different size so that I got the sale price (the 25% off dress sale ended that night and I wanted the discount!), and planned to head out to the other mall today to exchange the dresses.

J. and I left for the mall right around the time he was due for a nap (bad planning on my part) and went straight to the store. When I tried on the dress, I realized it was much shorter than I was used to wearing. Everything this season is really short! The 16-year-old teeney-bopper working the dressing room tried to convince me that it looked great and was "totally in style", but it wasn't working for me. It just made me look like a 30-year-old who wanted to look like a teeney-bopper.

During all this, J. starts screaming in his stroller, so I let him out to crawl around the dressing room. He LOVED the three-way mirror. I wish I'd had my camera - he was standing up, trying to talk to himself in all the mirrors, and doing a little happy dance the whole time.

Since I wasn't leaving without something to wear, J. and I went to find something else. I found this skirt:

Please note the slightly longer length on the skirt. Much more flattering to my thighs, which still have not lost the baby weight (can I call it baby weight if it's on my thighs?)

After trying on about 35 shirts (each in two sizes, since my post-bf boobs have still not decided what size they want to be), I settled on this top:

The best news? When I went to pay, BOTH the skirt and the top were marked down! So I had paid about $125 for the dress, and ended up paying only $65 for both the skirt and top! So I came out ahead by $60 - I love it when I go shopping, still end up with what I want, and go home with more money than I started.

Oh, and to wrap up J.'s activities during shopping, he ended up falling asleep on the floor of the dressing room, with the entire pile of shirts I tried on as a pillow. I really have to start carrying my camera around.

More Easter Egg Hunts

2007-04-07T13:25:00.000-07:00

So we took the dog to a "Dog Easter Egg Hunt" today. It was a riot - all these dogs, running around a field, picking up eggs in their mouths! I wish I'd gotten some pictures, but it was about 30 degrees and we stupidly had brought J. along, so I was too busy trying to keep him warm while H. led the dog around to all the eggs. The eggs were filled with dog treats, and once our dog figured that out, the hunt was over - all she wanted to do was sit there and open the eggs and eat all the treats! J. thought it was hilarious - I think he really enjoyed watching all the dogs run around.

Since I didn't get a picture of our dog at the hunt, here's just a regular picture of her (since I don't think I've ever posted one before):

Easter Egg Hunt

2007-04-05T11:59:00.000-07:00

J. went to his first Easter egg hunt and had a great time! H.'s high school holds an alumni mass/egg hunt every year, and we took J. this year - it was so much fun! He didn't really understand the whole "hunt for eggs" part, but once we put the eggs in his basket, he got so excited! He kept putting them in the basket, taking them out, shaking them, trying to stuff the entire egg in his mouth, and he loved watching all the other kids running around looking for eggs. We also took his picture with the Easter Bunny (who I thought was kind of scary looking!)

[pictures removed]

When I stop complaining . . .

2007-04-04T10:41:00.000-07:00

and actually start looking around for feasible options, things get a lot brighter! I think I've found what might be a great option for childcare for J. so that I can get more work done during the day - Parent's Day Out Programs!

My dilemma with childcare was that since I work from home, part-time, for a not-for-pro.fit, I don't need regular, full day care (even on a part-time basis) and I can't really afford it anyway. I do get a lot of work done on the evenings and weekends, when H. can watch J. or when J. is napping, but I also have times when I need to schedule meetings or conference calls or need a big block of time, and so it's harder to fit that in while also trying to take care of J. If you've ever tried to make a conference call during a child's nap time, and spent the whole call praying that he wouldn't wake up, but then he does, and you have to try and participate in the call, take notes, get a screaming baby out of his crib and into a clean diaper, then give the baby something to keep him occupied all while you try and act professional and engaged in the call, then you understand why naptime doesn't always work. And if you've ever tried to schedule a meeting for 7 pm on a Friday night with someone that works a "regular" work week, then you know why working weekends just doesn't really cut it either. And finally, if you've ever gone to a meeting and had to take the baby with you, because you just couldn't miss the meeting but you couldn't find childcare, and you end up looking like a mom and not a professional, then you understand why childcare is sometimes a necessity even if you have the luck to "work from home".

So I tried trading babysitting with another mom, which worked out ok, but isn't something I want to do long-term for a number of reasons. I started thinking again about having a "mother's helper" come to the house - but I couldn't find anyone, and the cost of babysitting here is so high anyway that it didn't make sense since it cut too much into what I was making per hour. So then I thought about putting J. back into daycare 1 or 2 days a week - we had a place we liked, that I used when I was at my old job, but in order to justify the cost, I'd have to work at least 9 hours each day he was there and I just don't always have that much work available. Not to mention that one of the reasons I wanted to work from home was so he didn't have to go to day care ALL day and we could have time to go out to the park or do fun stuff during the day!

I had a friend that kept mentioning this parent's day out program to me that her church runs, and when I looked into it, and also did a search for other programs in the area, I found 6 different programs, all within a few miles of my house! The rates are cheap (about $15-18/day!) for anywhere from 3-5 hours/day. And the teacher-child ratio is low (4-1 and 3-1, on average), with a fun schedule for each day of bible stories, songs, playtime, snacks! Even better than what they did at daycare!

And he can go 1, 2, or 3 days a week (although a few of the places limit it to just one day). I even found some programs that either run year-round or have summer sessions! And when I started calling around, thinking that I'd have to get on wait-lists, I found one program that still has availability for summer and fall, and another program that has openings right now on M and W for their year-round program! We're going to visit one of the programs next week, and I'm still waiting to hear back from a few of them.

Thank you Lord, for this answer to prayer. You know I needed something to try and get the taking care of J./working from home balance figured out, and I hope that this will be solution.

Dyson Slim Vacuum Contest

2007-04-02T13:03:00.000-07:00

I came across a contest for a new Dyson Slim vacuum . . . I couldn't resist entering, although I never win stuff (except for a brief 3 week period when I was first pregnant that I won TWO contests- a basket of pet supplies at a store grand opening and a book and free tea from our local bookstore! I figured it had to do with the good luck pregnancy vibes or something).

and if you win because you signed up through my site, then you get to come vacuum my house with your new vacuum!

Good news!

2007-03-30T15:50:00.000-07:00

I found out yesterday that one of my good friends, who had a little girl (E.) that is 3 weeks younger than J., has quit her job to stay home full time! I am so excited for her - she has wanted to be home since E. was born, but also felt like she should go back to work and give it a try. She had been working for almost 15 years and has done really well in her job. She received a promotion shortly after going back to work from maternity leave, which seemed to make it harder for her to then leave, but she decided this week that E. wasn't getting older any slower and she needed to be home with her. She is so happy about her decision and grateful to be able to stay home with E. And J. and I are so excited to have her and E. around during the day and able to go on walks and out to breakfast like we did during our maternity leave! We have some fun moms and kids that we hang out with from our moms group and playgroup, but I will really enjoy having E. and her mom around - we are already talking about plans for doing stroller aerobics together, and I'm sure there will be lots of playground trips in the next few weeks!

Catching up

2007-03-28T08:44:00.000-07:00

I have not been on the computer much lately - most of what I've been doing for work this past week has been either in-person or on the phone, so I haven't been on for work. I also realized that I had a huge stack of library books that I'd already renewed as many times as I could that were due today, and I wanted to finish reading them! So I've spent most of my "free" time lately reading instead of sitting on the computer. I need to start catching up on everyone's blogs.

Dinner at Fudd.ruckers was so good. I completely stuffed myself, but it was worth it. Karen, I laughed at your comment! Anyone that has ever eaten with me at Fudd.ruckers has said the exact same thing, but then once they try a bite of the bun (they have these really good, homemade, toasted buns) with the melted cheese and pico on it, they start eating their burger the same way!

The best part about dinner though was that J. actually fed himself his dinner! We had gotten him a children's grilled chicken sandwich with fries, and he ate a few pieces of chicken, about half the bun, and 2 or 3 fries! I was so excited. We have had such a hard time trying to get him to feed himself anything other than crackers, goldfish, or cherrios, and so it was so nice to have him eat his food and not need babyfood. I told H. that we might have to eat at Fudd.rucker's every night.

I gave up (for now) working on my post about women working/staying at home. I'm going to finish it at some point, but it was making me too frustrated and fired up when writing it. I'm really trying to just enjoy the "here and now" and remind myself that all of this is just one phase in my life. I think it's helping that the weather is getting nicer - I have been so grateful lately to be able to have such flexibility in my schedule that I can take J. to the park during the day or go for a walk outside whenever we want. Yesterday, we were in Cl.ayton, the area of town where H. works, to run some errands, and I took. J. in the stroller and we walked down to H.'s office to say hi. As we were walking, and I was watching all the business men and women on the street, I realized that having the ability to be with J., outside on such a beautiful day, and in comfortable clothes and flipflops instead of work clothes, is totally worth putting my career on hold for a few years. I wouldn't do it any differently, but I do need to find a better way to balance working from home, getting everything done, taking care of J., taking care of H., taking care of myself, taking care of the house, etc. so that it doesn't stress me out so much. Any ideas?

yum

2007-03-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

I drove by Fudd.rucker's today on my way to a lunch meeting, and the urge for a burger was so overwhelming that I thought about calling to cancel my meeting and eating at Fudd.rucker's instead! I have a long history with this restaurant - my family used to go there almost every Sunday after church for lunch (we'd alternate with a pizza place). If you've never been there before, the way it works is that you place your order at a counter, then they call you to pick up your food when it's ready. Then, they have this huge condiment bar with every thing you could possibly think of to top a burger/chicken sandwich/salad with.

I developed a very specific (and slightly odd) way of eating my lunch there - I get the same thing every time* - burger with fries - and I take the burger apart and put melted cheese (my favorite part - they have these big vats of hot, melted cheese) on both sides of the bun and then top it with pico de gallo. I then eat the bun/cheese/pico by itself. I then top my burger (just the meat, since I already ate the bun) with the hot cheese, more pico, tomato, lettuce, pickles, and A1 sauce and then eat that with a fork. My fries I dip in melted cheese and top with a little pico or I dip it just in A1 sauce.

Sometimes for dessert I'll get either a rice krispie treat or a cookie. So, so good.

Well, I ended up going on to my meeting, but I called H. and asked if he'd be up for going there for dinner. He's not a big fan of Fudd.rucker's, but is indulging me tonight! Yeah! So in less than two hours I will be eating a delicious burger and fries! I can't wait.

* almost every time. I went through about a 6 month period where I only ordered the chicken taco salad, but then I went back to my usual.

Cleaning out the basement

2007-03-21T07:24:00.000-07:00

We spent most of the weekend - about 4 hours on Saturday and 6 hours on Sunday - working on the storage/laundry part of our basement. I'm a packrat; I still have textbooks, papers, notebooks from college and grad school as well as tons of little "stuff" that I've picked up along the way, used once or twice (if even that), and then stuck in a box and forgot about it. H. and I both have also collected a lot of stuff that we don't use but don't want to get rid of "in case we ever need it" - this includes all kinds of random stuff like an extra window shade, three box fans, vases, decorative items from our college and grad school apartments (i.e., cheap stuff we picked up at random stores), and hundreds of framed pictures. Most of the pictures were mine - it was funny looking back at what I thought was worth framing, especially since I would now not have any of those pictures hanging in my house! I had a whole collage that was centered around pictures of myself and friends drinking in college. I remember it took me hours to put together, and I loved it, but it's definitely not something that fits in with our house now!

The hardest things for me to get rid of though were all my graduate school books, papers, and thesis materials. I think I've mentioned before (I know it's in my "100 things about me list"), but I quit my graduate program about 4 years into it. It just wasn't the right thing for me anymore (and it didn't help that my advisor moved 1200 miles away), and I don't regret the decision to leave, but sometimes, I like having all this stuff to remind me about what I accomplished while there. And it was so much work, and so much effort, and such a huge part of me for those years that it seems like I shouldn't just be able to throw it all in the trash! And the textbooks - when I think about how much money I spent on all these books (money that we're still paying off; got to love student loans), it's hard to not want to recoup some of that. H. has kept all his law school books, so I argued for keeping mine, but given that he's still in the legal field, and I have changed fields, it is unlikely that I will use many of these books again. So they had to go.

My incentive for getting rid of as much as possible was that if I could make room, I'm getting a deep freezer! I almost have enough space for one, and we also have more room for laundry, ironing, etc. I no longer have to climb over piles of stuff to get to the ironing board or the shelves. We still have some work to do, but the hard part is done.

I didn't take any "before" pictures, but here's a picture of all the donations and trash waiting to go out to the driveway:

and here's the other corner:

and this is our almost clean laundry/storage area:

Updates

2007-03-19T07:39:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note to let you know that I've updated my list of blogs on the right - a few of the ones I've added are ones that I started reading after they commented on my Ultimate Blog Party post or I found them through the Ultimate Blog Party "Mr. Linky". One of my favorites of these is "A Time Such as This" - go check it out when you get a minute!

I still haven't gotten to all the blogs that commented on my post, and I definitely have not made it through the "Mr. Linky" list, but I'm working on it!

and all the good things

2007-03-16T20:17:00.000-07:00

I realized that part of why I think I was feeling so frustrated and emotional the last few days is because I have been experiencing 19-months worth of PMS in the last week. I finished breastfeeding completely about two weeks ago (after going down to morning and night only for the previous six weeks), and I've had two periods since January, with each being worse than what I ever experienced pre-pregnancy. And the emotional swings associated with them have been noticeably different than pre-pregnancy. I think my hormones must still be out of whack.

But, even with all this being worse post-pregnancy, I would do it all again to go 19 months without a period! I hate dealing with it and really enjoyed not having to for so long!

I'm also feeling like I'm physically out of shape - I hate the softness of my stomach, the post-baby "pooch", and how none of my br@s fit anymore! So my lack of interest in s.ex is due in part to me not physically feeling up to it. I need to start running more and working on my abs.

I talked with H. a little about some of what was going on and what I was feeling, and we had a good conversation. If I bring it up at the right time (i.e., not as soon as he gets in the door from work or at night right before we go to sleep), he does really listen and is open to what I'm saying.

I'm also trying to make more of an effort to notice all the positive things he is doing:

~ comes home every night and takes J. to give me a break, sits and plays with him, gets him ready for dinner, gives him a bath after dinner, reads him books before bed
~ calls in the afternoon to let me know what time he'll be home, to check in on dinner plans, and to see if we need anything picked up on his way home
~ initiates conversations about weekend plans, what would be a good time for him to go into work (he always goes in over the weekend to get caught up on work), what we want to do with J. over the weekend, what things we want to get done around the house, and what we want to do in the evenings
~ unloads the dishwasher without any prompting or reminders
~ always parks on the street so I can have the garage
~ makes sure I know that he wants me to have some "fun" money out of our tax refund
~ trusts me completely with handling all of our finances, bills, etc
~ has a great sense of humor and can easily get me to relax and not be so uptight about stuff

I can't remember what book I read this in, or who the author was, but in college I read something that had a section in it about love. And the bottom line was that love, in marriage, often was something that you had to consciously decide to do - that you had to choose every day to love the person you were married to. Married love isn't always going to be exciting and full of fun and fireworks, but often is just the continuous decision to love the person you are with. And I think this is just one of those moments where I shouldn't be expecting fireworks, but instead just love H. because he is my husband and I am his wife.

I also like remembering what H. and I heard in our marriage counseling before the wedding - you may marry the wrong person, but once you marry them, they become the right person.

H. was the right person before we were married, and there's not a chance now that he's become the wrong one. I need to remember that every day, even when I feel frustrated or disappointed.

deleting

2007-03-14T15:53:00.000-07:00

Well, I went ahead and deleted my last two posts. I'm too paranoid about someone finding this blog, and since I share a computer with H. at home, I'm always worried that I will forget to log-out, or he'll start looking at my bookmarked sites or something.

If you read them and commented, thanks for putting up with my need to see my thoughts in black and white. It never seems as bad as I think it is once I've actually written out and then gone back and read it a few times.

I decided I can keep feeling sorry for myself today, and tomorrow I'll figure out what to do about it.

beautiful noise

2007-03-09T11:44:00.000-08:00

Right now, I can't hear my music on the computer as I work downstairs because of the noise coming from upstairs. And I don't care one bit. Why? Because the noise upstairs is of the beautiful sounds of a vacuum cleaner working on my dog-hair, cat-hair, baby-food, dust-covered wood floors and rugs. And the wonderful noise of three housecleaners deep-cleaning my kitchen and bathroom. And the awesome sounds of my furniture being moved around so that the floors can be cleaned. Oh, the beauty of it all. I just feel calmer sitting here. More relaxed. Joyously happy even. I have a smile on my face. I want to get up and jump up and down.

I finally gave in, after three months of trying to clean my own house in an attempt to make-up for having gone to a part-time nonprofit (i.e., major pay cut) job in December. In those three months, I vacuumed once. I tried to mop once. I practically cried in the aisle of Target as I was overwhelmed with all the mops and cleaning supplies. I scrubbed my toilet once. And then, this past week, when the dog tracked in mud and leaves and I found J. eating a leaf on the floor, and I realized that the cost of the cleaners was equal to only about 4 hours of my work hours, and it took about 3-4 hours for me to really clean house, and I realized that I was incredibly stressed about how dirty my floors, bathroom, and carpets had gotten and I had to choose between playing with J, working, or cleaning, I cried "uncle" and gave in. I know when I'm beat, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I can't do it all.

I am going to walk upstairs in about 2 hours and find my house looking like it did back in November, when I last had it professionally cleaned, and I will do a little dance and might even hug the cleaners.

And then, they will be back in two weeks. And two weeks after that. And continue coming until I say stop.

got me thinking

2007-03-07T20:04:00.000-08:00

A post over at "Not that you asked" has stirred up a lot of my feelings about motherhood. I'm really glad she posted, and although I have a lot to say on this, and will, I'm still too fired up right now to really think straight. I've had so much of the same feelings and thoughts as she has described in this post, and it was so good to read all the comments and suggestions.

So please, take a minute to go read it. I'll post more tomorrow on it.

Too tired to come up with something original

2007-03-05T14:17:00.000-08:00

I figured that with new bloggers stopping by for the party, it'd be a good time to do my first meme! I saw this one on Slacker-Moms-R-Us, a blog I found through the party, and she stole it from Burg, who stole it from someone else.

So here goes . . .

How tall are you barefoot? 5 ft. 6 in., but I claim to be 5 ft. 7 in. It just seems so much taller.

Have you ever flown first-class? No, and I've always wanted to. I had hoped on our honeymoon that we would fly first-class, but we ended up taking a smaller plane on American Airlines that didn't have business or first-class.

One of your favorite books when you were a child? it's only on my mind because of the movie, but I loved Bridge to Terabithia

A good restaurant in your city? Tony's

What is your favorite small appliance? My Chi hair straightener. I couldn't live without this - my wavy hair is so thick that the only thing that tames it is the Chi. I love it.

One person who never fails to make you laugh? my friend Teresa

What was the first music that you ever bought? I think it was a Tricia Yearwood tape. I wasn't allowed to listen to anything other than contemporary christian or country music growing up, so it had to be either this or an Amy Grant tape!

Do you do push-ups? sometimes, if the instructor at stroller aerobics makes up. And then only with my knees down.

What was one of your favorite games as a child? Capture the Flag

When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? probably a ballerina or gymnast. I used to dream about being Mary Lou Retton's sister.

Your favorite Soup of the Day? Bread Co.'s lentil soup; they only have it during the winter!

Have you ever met someone famous? I met Amy Grant when I was in 4th grade

From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? Online CNN and MSNBC

Current worry? how in the world am I going to find the time to do all my work, laundry, grocery shop, etc.?

Current hate? I don't really hate anything, but I am irritated right now with the city that's claiming I owe $600 in parking tickets from 4 years ago

Favorite place to be? home with my son and husband

Least favorite place to be? the ob/gyn's office for my annual exam. Can't stand it.

Do you consider yourself well organized? I used to be - having a child and working from home has changed that

Do you believe in an afterlife? Yes

Where do you think you will be in 10 years? Still here. But with my husband and probably more kids by then, and also probably back into a full-time career.

Do you burn or tan? burn, then it peels into a tan

Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future? In day-to-day stuff, I'm probably more pessimistic, but in long-term thoughts I think everything will work out.

What did you fear was going to get you at night as a kid? I always was afraid my house would burn down. This probably stems from my parents "great" idea that they should do fire drills at 2 am in the morning and not tell us it was fake until we were outside at the mailbox.

What's in your pockets right now? absolutely nothing

Last thing that made you laugh? a story some friends told us this weekend about how the person that bought their house keeps calling them, months later, through their realtor, about all the things she hates about the house

Worst injury you've ever had? I've always been slightly accident prone - so it's either the time I had to get 25 stitches above my eye or the first broken arm I had when the bone popped through the skin

How many TVs do you own? 2

Best compliment received? in high school, I overheard some guys from church talking - one of them was a guy my age who I had a crush on, and the other were older, college guys. The older guys were giving the younger guys advice on how to find a good girlfriend, and they said you should always go for someone who you can tell will be hot when they're older. Then they used me as an example of someone who they thought was cute now, but would also still be really hot in college. I don't know if I fulfilled this by being "hot", but I always thought it was nice to hear them say this

What leaves you speechless? Stories about children being hurt

What is your favorite book? way too many to just give one, but "What our mothers didn't tell us: Why happiness eludes the modern woman" changed my direction in life, so this might be it

Last meal you cooked for the opposite sex? Coriander pork chops, vegetables, and white cheddar macaroni

What were you doing at 12 midnight last night? trying not to throw up - I ate something yesterday that did not sit well with me and I was up all night sick!

Ultimate Blog Party

2007-03-02T10:34:00.000-08:00

Ever since I was a kid, I've loved parties! My most memorable parties include my fourth-grade rollerskating birthday party when I fell and broke my arm and missed most of the party, my wedding reception, my dad's 40th surprise birthday party (mainly because I got to drive his car that day so that he was stuck at work and wouldn't arrive home too early - as a recent 16-year old, having the car for the day was better than my 16th birthday party!), my 20th birthday in college when my parents drove down and surprised my entire soccer team at our game with ice cream, my 21st birthday in DC, and my wedding showers and baby showers! All of these parties were a great time of being with friends and celebrating. Right now we are planning my son's first birthday and I am so excited about his party!

This week, 5 minutes for mom is hosting the Ultimate Blog Party - it's a great way to find new blogs to read and win prizes. Go check it out, sign the Mr. Linky, and visit a few new blogs!

And if you're visiting my blog through the Ultimate Blog Party, thanks for stopping by! I'm a new blogger and am still working on my blog - a new template, what kind of posts I want to do, and getting into a regular habit of blogging. So this is a work-in-progress, but please take a minute to look around, leave a comment, and then visit back later!

random thoughts

2007-03-01T12:46:00.000-08:00

1. Speeding tickets.

I got a speeding ticket today for doing 42 in a 30, at the bottom of a hill. ugh. I saw the cop right as I came towards the end of the hill and he started pulling out. Fortunately, it was in a municipality that my husband's firm represents, and the last time I got a ticket in this area, the local prosecutor just tore it up. Not that it's any excuse for speeding, but it is nice not to get hit with the fine and points on my insurance! So I was very nice to the cop and didn't let it upset me as I knew that at the very least, it wouldn't go onto my insurance and best case scenario, I wouldn't have to deal with it at all. And I haven't gone over the limit the rest of the day today!

It is funny that I had only received 1 speeding ticket from the time I was 16 until I met my husband (when I was 24). Since being with him, I've gotten 4 tickets. Fortunately, all of them have either been cleared by the local prosecutor or I've had it reduced to a non-moving violation and only had to pay a small fine. I guess this is one of the benefits of having a husband that is in his line of work - kind of makes the 60-80 weeks worth it.

2. Unfinished prayers

I dated this guy in college/grad school for a few years who had gotten two women pregnant when he was in his 20s (he was 29-31 yrs during the time we dated; 8 years older than me). Both of the women had ab.0rti0ns. When I first found out about this, it was really upsetting because he was devastated by it. The first woman, he had begged her to get married and not to do it, and she decided that it was the best decision for her at the time and went forward with it, against his wishes. The second time, he reacted differently and encouraged the woman to go ahead with it since it seemed like the best thing for both of them. I had never though much about the effects of ab.0rti0n on the man, but in talking with him about it on the two occasions that he did talk about it and in seeing the pain he felt, it was obvious that both experiences were extremely upsetting to him. Anyway, the point of this is that every so often I get struck with thoughts of him and the two women and the ab.0rti0ns. And by "struck", my head is filled with thoughts of them and the memory of the pain on his face when he told me about this, and how one of the women called him on the anniversary in tears, and how the other women broke down after and told him that the doctor had told her it was twins after the ab.0rti0n. And the curious side of me wonders "why now?" "Why am I thinking of them (him, and both women) now?" The first few times this happened, it was days before I could get them out of my mind. I volunteered at a cri.sis preg.nancy cent.er for awhile because it felt like I needed to do something. And now the only thing I do when these thoughts come up is pray for him, for the first woman, and for the second woman. I don't know what I'm praying for - I don't even know if it has to do with the ab.0rti0ns, and I can only remember one of the women's names - but I feel like there has to be some reason why they are stuck in my head. They've all been in my thoughts today and I've been praying, so if you think of it, please say a prayer also.

3. Nostalgia

Food Network had a show last night that featured the city I lived in for college. It showed a lot of the restaurants I loved going to and miss eating at. It made me feel very nostalgic for being in that city (a city I always thought I'd end up settling in) and for the memories associated with eating at a lot of those places. So I started thinking about a conversation I had last year with friends about the best meal we've ever had. The common theme among our answers was that the meal didn't have as much to do with the food, although in all cases the food was good, but more with the people or event associated with the meal. So today I spent some time while driving around running errands (and getting speeding tickets) thinking about my favorite meals:
1. the biergarten in Germany with K.H. when the sun was going down and we sat and ate pasta and drank beer for hours in one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen
2. the night at the coffee shop with J.C. when we were the only people there (since they hadn't actually opened for business yet!) and they let us stay and drink banana bread coffee (which was surprisingly good) for hours
3. on our honeymoon, when H. and I sat at the bar on the beach and drank buckets of Coronas and ate whatever the kitchen brought out for us
4. in Chicago with H. - dinner after we'd gotten engaged, our first anniversary dinner with the amazing hearts of palm salad
5. every time I get back to texas and get to go eat mexican at my favorite place (ok, so that's not just one meal, but a lot of meals!)

100 Things About Me

2007-02-22T11:36:00.000-08:00

I've added a "100 Things About Me" blog. Check it out when you get a minute.

At least I'm finding things to laugh about

2007-02-21T12:11:00.000-08:00

I've been working like crazy all day trying to get the budgets done for my old, pre-baby job, and the grant that we have going in, and it just hit me . . .

In order to work on this grant, which is a ch.ild.h00.d 0b.es.ity grant, I have my 10-month old sitting in his high chair, in front of the tv, watching dvds and eating teething cookies to keep him quiet so I can work.

Oh, the irony.

But thank goodness for children's DVDs (today it's Se.s@m.e St.ree.t and Ps@.lt.y the Sin.g.ing Hy.mnb00.k) and cookies!

It's finally warm!

2007-02-20T12:59:00.001-08:00

The snow is all melting and the temperatures are actually in the 50's! I love it - these early signs of spring are so nice. The dog has been tracking in mud all day though because it's so wet out from all the melted snow! I'm not too worried about it though, because I haven't cleaned the floors in about 3 weeks anyway.

I really need to go buy a mop; I had a housecleaner when I was working full-time that I got rid of recently, and I don't own a mop. I tried to buy one the other day, but then was overwhelmed by all the choices. Any recommendations?

10 days without a post . . .

2007-02-15T14:47:00.000-08:00

I realized that the past few weeks were a really bad time for me to start a blog and then actually make regular posts. I've started about 10 posts in the last few days and haven't finished any of them. Why? Because stupid me, who can't say no, is still doing consulting work for my old, pre-baby job in order to help them make a March 5 deadline for a huge project. Granted, I really like the extra money and I feel really invested in this project since I'd worked on the first submission of it last year (it went in 6 weeks before J. was born, and I really thought I was going to go into early labor from all the stress and work). I was sad to leave this job, as I really did like it, and it's been nice to stay connected to it. And the work is something I feel really confident about doing, unlike my new job which is more challenging and new work.

However, every free minute I have has been spent working. I've barely been keeping up with the consulting work and barely doing the minimum I need with my real/other job. I feel like this:

Since I'm doing all this work from home (about 35 hours a week) with only 8 hours of childcare a week, it's been really hard to do anything on the computer other than work. And H. has been working late lately, and often not getting home until J. is in bed already, which means that I was entirely responsible for J. all day and all night.

Oh, and did I mention that I am also taking care of all the "what's for dinner?", "do I have any clean white shirts?", "did you pick up the dry cleaning", "when is our appointment with the accountant?", "our trees need trimming" crap. Which doesn't leave much working time, and also leaves me exhausted by the time J. goes to bed.

You know, of all the "jobs" I'm doing, the one I'd most like to quit is Wife. It's probably the least enjoyable and least self-fulfilling right now.

Menu Plan Monday

2007-02-05T19:11:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Organizing Junkie for hosting Menu Plan Monday! Here's our plans for the week:

Monday: Spinach Pie, sliced tomatoes, and fruit salad (we already ate dinner tonight, and I can report that this combination of food was great together and my husband did not miss the meat! The Spinach Pie was a frozen, ready to bake, version that I picked up at Trader Joe's - it made for a quick dinner).

Tuesday: Beef Stroganoff, salad (if I make it to the store for lettuce)

Wednesday: Pork Chops with mushroom gravy (I'm making this recipe up, so I'll post on what I did and how it turns out), asparagus steamed with lemon

Thursday: "fend for yourself" night/clean-out-the-fridge (I'm expecting leftovers from the stroganoff and pork chops)

Friday: Chinese take-out

Saturday: dinner out at a charity event

Sunday: Hamburgers, potato wedges, sliced tomatoes, fruit

trading babysitting

2007-01-31T09:57:00.000-08:00

I've started to trade babysitting with another mom, who is taking graduate classes. I was finding it really hard to work and keep an eye on J. at the same time, and I hated being in the middle of working and then having to just stop suddenly if he woke from his nap. So I had started to look for a part-time nanny, but in the process of doing that found out that my friend was also looking for someone. So we worked it out that I have her son here two half-days a week, and she'll have J. two half-days a week. The boys are about 2 months apart and play really well together - I just finished my two half-days for this week, and then she'll have J. tomorrow afternoon.

The only thing about this that I'm not sure I'm going to like is changing another kid's diaper. I used to babysit all the time when I was in high school and college, and even worked at a day care one summer, and I don't remember having this strong dislike of changing diapers. And I could care less about J's diapers. But it almost makes me want to puke every time I change this other kid's diaper. I'm wondering if his mom would think it was strange if he had a wet/dirty diaper every time she picked him up?

Weekend fun

2007-01-28T18:30:00.000-08:00

This was a good weekend - Friday night I went out with a few friends (all moms; our babies are within 3 weeks of each other) for manicures/pedicures, and then out to dinner. It was a lot of fun! I hadn't gone out with a group of girls in a really long time, and I forgot how nice it is to just sit around with other women talking and drinking and having a good time without the guys there! Not that I don't like having the guys around, but it just seems like they have a tendency to dominate the conversation sometimes.

I also had a Manhattan to drink on Friday; I haven't had liquor since before I was pregnant (although I have had my share of beer/wine since he was born)! I forgot how much I love having a cocktail. Last night, H. and I went out to celebrate his birthday - we went to a new restaurant that was wonderful! We weren't able to get a reservation, so just went in as a walk-in and although they originally gave us a 90 minute wait, it ended up being only 45 minutes. And we didn't mind at all - they had this beautiful restored bar in a neat loft area of the restaurant and it was a great place to wait. I continued my drinking of cocktails with another Manhattan and then a grey goose martini (dirty) with blue cheese stuffed olives. So good. I was fairly tipsy by the time I finished both those drinks and then ended up nursing one glass of wine the rest of the evening. The food was great too, and we went all out with mushroom crepes and baked crab appetizer, a red leaf/pear/hearts of palm salad, stuffed tomatoes, green beans, beef tenderloin (cooked perfectly!), cauliflower risotto puree, and then espresso creme brulee and pineapple cake for dessert. After dinner we finished our wine in the bar and then headed home. We were still home by midnight - the days of staying out to 1 or 2 am are long gone.

Today I worked (we have programs on Sunday), we went to Mass, and now I'm catching up on my blogs while having a beer (Fat Tire). I'm about to go get in bed to watch Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters on ABC.

The only downside to the weekend is that J. has been really crabby lately - yesterday afternoon I packed him into the car and headed to the mall, mainly because I couldn't take his crying anymore and I figured he needed a change of scenery. I tried to find H. a birthday present, which was an unsuccessful goal, but I did find myself a new pair of jeans. I tried on a bunch of the trendy super skinny jeans, but couldn't imagine actually wearing them. So I went with an old standby - Citizens of Humanity Kelly bootcut jean. They were out of my size, however, so they ordered them and are having them sent to my house. I hope they get here soon!

Sausage and pepper pasta

2007-01-24T13:35:00.000-08:00

I made sausage and pepper pasta for dinner last night, and it turned out really well! I had some Italian Sausage links in the freezer that I needed to use, which formed the basis for coming up with this dinner. I tend to not cook from recipes, although I might look up a few for ideas, and so this dinner doesn't really have a hard-and-fast recipe to follow, but here's the general idea of what I did:

Cooked Italian Sausage (I used Hot Salsiccia links) according to package (which generally says to place in skillet with 1/2 cup of water over medium heat for 20 mins, turning halfway through). Drain water from skillet, and slice cooked sausage into rounds. Put back into skillet and brown up for a few minutes over medium heat, stirring frequently.

Meanwhile, cook package of frozen pepper strips (green, red, and yellow from Trader Joe's - cheaper than buying three separate peppers!) in microwave for about 6 minutes to defrost and heat.

Add cooked peppers to meat in skillet, along with garlic and italian seasonings (oregano, thyme, etc., whatever you like) to taste. Cook for about 5 minutes, stirring frequently.

Add one can of Italian-style tomatoes (drained), cover, and reduce heat to low. Simmer for about 5 minutes.

Serve over pasta (I used spinach fettuccine) with fresh Parmesan.

It was really good! H. loved it, and it looked really pretty in the bowls with all the different colors.

I hate rude people and I love wine.

2007-01-23T19:49:00.000-08:00

I was making calls for work to remind our volunteers about an upcoming program and volunteer appreciation day, and I left a message for this one woman, who called me back a few minutes later. She hadn't listened to the message I left, but had just seen the number on her caller ID and was calling it back, even though she didn't know who it was. So we had a few minutes of awkward, "who are you and why are you calling" exchange:

Her: Hi, I just got a call from this number. Who is this?
ME: Oh, hi, this is Midwest Texan and I was calling people about Work; I must have left you a message. What was your name?
Her: Oh, I didn't check the messages.
ME: Ok, but who is this? (all this while I'm scanning my list of names trying to see if I can figure out who the hell this is)
Her: Oh, this is Rude Lady.
ME: Oh, ok, well I wanted to remind you about. . . . and then as I proceed to go into this, she interrupts with:
Her: Yeah, whatever, I don't have time right now for this, I'm at work.
ME: Not a problem, but you just returned my call, so . . .
Her: I can't talk, bye.

And hangs up on me.

I hate people who call people back from the caller id. Especially if they don't know who it was that called them! And then why did she call someone back if she was at work and couldn't talk anyway! The whole point of leaving someone a message is that they can then return the call at their convenience.

On the flip side, I'm drinking wine right now and so everything seems so much better. I'm trying a new white wine I picked up from Trader Joe's for $4.99: Honey Moon Viognier. It was really good - not too sweet, and just right for having a few glasses.